So Extremely Frustrated

[misty]

katiekat..............Thread Started on Dec 12, 2006, 8:58am »


Oh boy...I dont even know where to begin. Maybe some of you noticed I havent been here much lately-I just havent had the motivation. I have had more and more problems with Sean and his behavior has just really gotten to me. It feels like I have tried everything with no results.
When I pick him up from school the teacher has to talk to me at least 3x a week. He is still hitting,pushing and kicking. He is still running around, interrupting and not focusing on what needs to be done. And now he has added disrespect to his list. I have noticed this at home also. He has never been disrespectful..until now. The teacher told me he rolls his eyes at her,blatantly ignores what she says and laughs in her face when she corrects him. He has been doing the same with me. He also just flat out refuses to listen to anything or anyone. The person he listened to best was my husband but even that is getting worse.
He also has suddenly developed irrational fears and is having nightmares. He will not use our downstairs bathroom and is scared to go in the kitchen.
His behavior is affecting us all. My house is a tense uncomfortable place to be. My older son wants to move out. He said hed rather be homeless than live with Sean. My husband and I are starting to fight.
Something I have not mentioned before because it really means nothing to me is that Sean is not my biological child...but he is my son in every sense of the word. He has not had his "real"mother since he was under a year old.He is my huband's son. I AM his mom and would do anything for him and this has never been an issue before but I feel I am resentful of his behavior now. Sometimes I think to myself-MY son doesnt act like this and never has and then I feel bad for thinking like that but he is honestly driving me insane.
They are working with him at school and we do have an appt. with a ped. nuerologist but it's not until Feb. Just wanted to get this off my chest to people who understand what I'm going through.



misty

Oh Katie....I'm so sorry! The disrespect & not listening bring to mind ODD....I can't remember, has he been tested for that? Has he been tested for anxiety? I hope you all can hang in there until February. We know you love him & its OK to vent. We will never judge you...we are here to help & support you & yes, I've been wondering where you've been. I miss seeing you around. Why don't you come to the chat tonight & we can all put our heads together to help you.



jj

KK,
I just feel so bad for you and your family including Sean. Don't for a minute feel guilty you have compared your biological son with him. All the stress you are under all kinds of things run through ones head. We know you love him. Hugs to you and see you at the chat tonight.

[misty]

lillian

Many hugs your way! I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Just out of curiosity, have you tried a behavior program, focusing on two or three behaviors you want to see changed and giving credit for two or three good behaviors he already possesses? When my son first came to live with us, this is the only thing that worked with him and kept all of us from losing our minds.



unicorn-tiff'smom

Katie - I am sorry for you too. You are a great mother to Sean. You have given him everything. I am sorry that this behavior is starting to strain the rest of the family. I am glad that the school is still going to work with Sean. Hang in there and come to the chat.



Charlie Girl

Oh Katiekat, I know what you are going through. My son started that up at around the same age but they say he isn't ODD, that its just part of ADHD. I really doubt thats all it is but what do you do when the experts don't see it?

I'm really glad you can take him to a neuropsych. I couldn't and I think that is where you will get the answers.

I put my son on Omegas because of that type of behavior and it did make a big difference. Have you tried them yet?

I also wouldn't allow that meanness in school. If he does something overtly rude or mean, go to school if you have to and make him apologize in front of the same people he was rude in front of. I made my son apologize to an aid who really went out of her way for him because he told her in front of the class that he didn't have to mind her, she wasn't the teacher. We talked about it the night before and I told him I was coming in to make sure he apologized. He did it without my having to go there and it really made a difference.



susieb

katie, I've had some of those problems, but not to the degree you describe. I can't give you much advice, but I'm sending prayers your way. I feel for you, so here are some ((((((hugs)))))).



katiekat

Sean sees the counselor at school every Wednesday so I called her this morning before she saw him and told her about his recent behavior changes. She is going to talk to him about some of the things I mentioned and call me back this afternoon. I am going to mention the family history to her and see what she thinks. She is a great person-very helpful and concerned and always keeps in contact with me so I figure thats where I'll start since the nuero. appt is so far away.



notellin

A theraputic dose of Omega-3 also helped my son with "the attitude" behavior.

[misty]

crazyhouse

I'm so sorry you are going through this now during the holiday when the work load of shopping, wrapping, decorating, and holiday cards wiegh your schedule down as is. I went through this with Jake when school started, mouthy rolling eyes. I don't know if i would work right now being x-mas is here, but we told Jake that his toys were a privledge and if he could not be nice he would loose all his toys (we left books and puzzles thats it) we put everything in the shed and after 3 weeks he got his v-smile back. Every couple of days we would give him one toy like his bag of cars or the Dr set. It helped him to focus on playing with fewer toys and he learned not to be so mouthy. It's a work in progress. It is very extreme and I understand if someone can't appreciate the conditions of the punishment. For us it helped. Hope it gets better :-*Between you and your husband try not to sweat the small stuff. Sometimes that phrase helps me get through a ruff patch with my husband



katiekat

Well I talked to the counselor from school and told her about the family history with BP. She understood how I felt about telling my husband and agrees it's better to let someone else mention it. She also thinks that Sean needs couseling outside of school as she only sees him once a week for about 20 minutes. She believes he has some serious fears about his own death. So...I guess we will start there after the holidays and then the nuero appt is in February.



jj

Katiekat,
I hope you can at least put all this out of your mind for a little while so you can try to enjoy the holidays. Your family is in my prayer list.


katiekat

Thanks JJ. I think your prayers are working. [image]
I feel MUCH better about things because I did talk to my husband earlier tonight and things went very well.
Sean was taking a shower and was crying the entire time. My husband called him downstairs and asked him why and he said he didnt know. I told him I really think we do need to take him to a psychologist or something and he agreed. He then said whats wrong with that kid? And I told him what I thought, I read him some of the things I had written down and told him how it was so hard to tell him what I thought. He was not surprised and thinks its a definite possibility.
Anyway I feel much better to have that out in the open with him.



Charlie Girl

Oh KK, thats wonderful that your dh agrees with you. Now you can go ahead and get him diagnosed and the help he needs if it does turn out to be bp.

Its too bad though that your son has to be so depressed at this time of year. I hope it lets up so he can enjoy Christmas.

[misty]

katiekat

Well it is great that my H and I are on the same page with Sean however now we are having a very difficult time with finding a child psychiatrist. The insurance company gave us 4 names of people in our area and none of them are accepting new patients. I am going to have to call back today and see if there is some one a bit further than I really want to go. Can anything be simple??


Charlie Girl

Sometimes if you ask your ped for a referral his office can get you that first appointment. I'd ask him to have his secretary call to make one before I gave up and went farther afield.


jj


I wonder if you can go back to the insurance company and tell them the psychs they named are not taking new patients and they need to add some more to their list. Just a thought.....may not help but worth a shot maybe?

Oh and I forgot to say, I'm so glad things went smoothly with your husband. Whew!



katiekat

I called the ins. co. and spoke to a patient advocate. She was helpful and gave me a few options. For now what we're going to do is make an appt. with a psychologist.She said I'd be able to get in alot quicker and at least I will feel like I am doing something to help Sean. He had another episode today which is what makes me think the sooner we see someone the better. I dont want to wait 2 months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. Today he was crying and banging his head into the wall and punching himself in the head. When I asked him what was wrong he said he didnt know but he didnt feel good. I asked him what hurt and he said he wasnt sick-he didnt feel good in his head and he felt"not nice".He said he didnt want to talk about it so I didnt press him. It lasted about 1/2 hour. I have no idea how to handle this stuff. Give me a defiant,mouthy,ungrateful little brat and I'll handle that just fine.But this emotional wreck,mentally fragile,walking on eggshells stuff scares the crap out of me.



lostmyshoe

Hi Katie,

So sorry to hear you had a rough time with your son today. I think it's a good idea to get that appt. and see the doc as soon as possible. I've got the defiant, mouthy and sometimes ungratful big brat to deal with. We are going to see our psychologist tomorrow and I sure hope he can give me some advice. Things have been calm since we've been on Christmas break but when school starts up again, oh boy. I hope your psychologist can give you some help too. My heart goes out to ya. I've got a preteen here that gets pretty tough to deal with so I'm with ya. Hang in there. Hugs to ya. Dee

[misty]

Rae70

KK ask the doctor about risperdal - he sounds like damian got. risperdal has been a godsend here.



misty

Katie...Sorry...I haven't kept up with this thread like I should have [image]

I'm sorry its been so hard lately....I sure hope you get some answers soon.


bugsmom

Katie...I just read through this whole thread for the first time and I just have to say my heart and prayers go out to you and your Sean. You must be sick with worry and your doing such a good job in finding him the best help. Insurence companies are the enemy...they just don't get how important it is that these kids are able to get help when THEY need it. Not three months from now...NOW! It makes me so angry when I read stories like yours. Honestly...if I were you and I really felt like my son needed to be seen right away, I'd take him to emergency. They can't turn you away...they would have to get him to see a psych. I know that sounds awful, but its got to be so hard on that little guy and on you to watch him struggle like this. It breaks my heart just to read about it. I guess it just touches me so because my son has had simular situations happen to him. The acting out, crying, mad at himself, feeling like he's bad...I could go on. It was awful. We were able to get in right away and found out Josh had terrible anxiety. It made perfect sense. He had the fears about not being able to go into certain rooms in our house without myself or his father, terrible nightmares, and crying just to cry. Once he was treated he got soooo much better. We do still have short bouts of anxiety. Just over a month ago he had it for about two weeks...just awful. But he's bounced back again and in therapy once a week. Oh Katie I just feel for you. I'm sure your stomache is in knots. Your doing all the right things, so please remember that...Your a great mom! I know you'll get your answers, it just takes some time. Hang in there...I pray tomorrow is better for you and your little one! (((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))



katiekat

Good news-I did find a psychologist 2 minutes away and we have an appt. on Tuesday. So at least now I feel like we are getting things started.
Bugsmom-Since what Sean is going through sounds so much like what your son went through I wanted to ask you if he is on medication for the anxiety?



farrah

KK, It sounds like you are on the right track....My dd went through a few of the same things, but we have worked thru them I think....

good luck on tues. with the doc and making it through the rest of christmas break.

[misty]

crazyhouse

Oh good I'm so happy you are able to get help that is what you need. No one can do everything for thier child by themselves. I hope to hear how the pshycologist turns out because I have a problem that doesnt involve anxiety or depression. It's Jake's impulsiveness, they want to send him to a pshycologist and a nuerologist. impulsiveness gets him in trouble and then people could get hurt and we can't get that concept in his thick head. we are waiting till after the holidays because he is fine without school. He is not overwhelmed with to much to do. We cant go to more than three stores a day or school and then the dr's office it's one or the other. Things like that, so I hope you all have a great New Year full of good health and good times



katiekat

I will let you know how it goes. We were recommended to take Sean to a nuero too but the 1st available appt. is not until February. Im hoping the psychologist can help some, however I have a feeling that medication is going to be needed. If that's the case then I guess we are back to the whole finding a psychiatrist thing.



lisacap

You may not have to wait, if the physchologist is recommending that he be put on med's, the peditrician should be able to write the prescriptions and monitor him for you until you are able to get a appt. with the physchatrist. I know with my son, once the pedi had an accurate evaluation, he wrote the prescriptions for us until we found a physch....the physchologist may also be able to set you up with a child physch right in his office, once he makes the evaluation. While you are there, ask them to fax over asap. a copy of their findings to the peditrician so that he has everything he needs in the event that he has to write the prescriptions. Good luck and let us know how you make out.