Birthday Party Vent!!!!

[bugsmom]

I need to vent before I just explode...Josh went to his bestfriend Natalie's birthday party at a Rollerskating rink today. Everything was great and the kids were having a wonderful time. Anyway, I was sitting with a group of parents and the kids were all gathered around a table laughing and goofing around. After a few mins they all got up and skated off. Anyway, a few seconds later, a parent that I have never met or spoken to, came up to me and asked me if I was Josh's mom in a very pissy way. I said yes and asked her if there was a problem. She said that Josh was saying inappropriate things over at the table and she felt she needed to let me know. OK...I'm thinking he's said something really bad and I ask what. She goes on to say that Josh said "What's your ugly butt doing here"? to her neice. She continues to say that it was very inapproriate and that I needed to talk to him and have him apoligize. She made me feel like I was about 2 inches tall! After she made her declaration she swings her self around and walks away! I was shocked! I actually wanted to deck her. Don't get me wrong...what Josh said was not appropriate...but guess what? 10 year old boys are not appropriate! They call people butt-heads, fart faces, and yes, sometimes, Ugly Butts! Give me a break! So anyway...I pull Josh off the floor and ask him if he said that, and he said he did, but he was just joking around and the little girl he said it to knew that. I told him what this mother said and he got very upset and wanted to go home. I told him just to go apoligize and not to joke with girls that way because they can be much more sensitive that boys about names like that. He totally shut down...refused to skate anymore, wouldn't sit with the kids, nothing. I asked him what was wrong and he said he just felt too bad about what he said as a joke and wanted to go home. I was crushed. He was having such a good time and this little incident ruined his time at the party. Now I know that what he said was wrong, but I also feel that this parent had no business confronting me in front of other parents and saying what she said. Am I over-reacting? The thing that kills me, is that last week I was subbing at Joshua's school and I just happen to have her older son in one of the classes I was covering, and he was just God awful. Of course he is 13 years old and I know that 13 year boys are awful sometimes. But did I call her at home and tell her this...NO. If I was her shoes, I would have just said to Josh "That was inappropriate, you need to apoligize" and that would be that. I have no need to confront another parent about their sons behavior. AAAGGGGGGGG! I'm still steaming over this! Please...give me your honest opinion...am I being overly sensitive?

[misty]

My honest opinion is no, you aren't being overly sensitive. I don't think your son did anything wrong in the 1st place. My daughter is 12 & her friends talk just like that at times. I don't think much of it as long as she knows (and she DOES know) not to speak to adults that way. If it wasn't bothering any of the kids at the table, I don't think that mother should've even mentioned it to you. I guarantee your son wasn't the only kid talking like that. Sounds to me like that mom is one of those people who expect kids to act like mini adults & not like KIDS! If it were me, I'd tell Josh he did nothing wrong and that sometimes adults just get upset over trivial things.I'd tell him to watch his language when he's in a public place, especially at an event hosted by someone else's parents.

[puzzled]

What was the other parents reaction that you were sitting with at the time that the lady approached you? Did they say anything after she walked away?

I am like you..if I would have heard a child acting wrong, I just tell the child...running to the mom seems too much like tattling....

I feel so bad that Josh got so upset about it and stopped having fun....maybe next time something like that happens (let's hope it never does!!) you could wait till you are at home or on your way home to bring it up to him?

[jj]

I have a different take on this and believe me I have run into situations like this with both my step-sons and Nikki.

First of all, if I am around I don't want anyone else correcting my kid - period. Now if it is breaking up a fight or something like that, that is totally a different story. And if I am not around then I hope another parent would correct my child.

That said, calling another child a name I don't think is appropriate ever ,in my opinion. I just feel if you let the little names slide, you may be in for much more shocking and nasty name calling in the not so distant future.

And we don't know how that little girl felt - even if she put on a good front doesn't mean it didn't hurt her. I guess I am trying think how I'd feel if some kid called my kid a name in front of everyone. I'm not so sure I'd appreciate it very much.

Now it is a little different if best friends are hanging around in someones home and they are clowning around calling each other butt face or whatever....as long as it is equally done by all and it is obvious they are all having fun.

But I must say, that person handled it totally wrong!!! She should have asked if you were Josh's Mom and then said can I talk to you a moment and gestured to step away from the other people.

She put you in a embarrassing position saying that in front of everyone AND left you no choice but to confront your son then and there ruining the whole party for him.

And I would be pretty darn upset too. The whole thing could have been handled so differently.

[charliegirl]

I don't like what Josh said but every boy around his age goes through a streak talking like that. I don't know how many times I've corrected my son for talking like that to another kid, only to have the kid tell me they all talk that way and it was ok. Argh!

If it had been me, I would probably have told that other mother that its a stage they all go through and she was lucky that she has managed to not notice until now.

As for Josh, I would have waited until we were on our way home and suggested he not talk that way around adults. Boys have to prove they are macho even at that age and I think that is what that sort of talk is about. Whatever, its no big deal as long as it isn't bothering the one hearing it, and chances are they all talked that way, but they had just learned earlier not to in front of someone else's mother.

[misty]

Hmmmm...yes, I was thinking more about this. I think a proper response to the woman who came over to talk to you would have been "yes thats my son & I'll talk to him after the party." Of course, I NEVER think of the proper responses until its too late myself, but MAN the whole situation upsets me! And I still think "Ugly butt" isn't that bad of a comment. Now if he had cussed or started getting physical, that would have been a whole different story!

[bugsmom]

Thank you all for your input...it really helps when I'm not sure if I've handled something right.

First...I am in no way defending what Josh said. It was wrong, and like JJ mentioned, you just don't know how a kid really feels from a comment like that, even if he was just kidding around. Name calling is just not at all acceptable in my book for any reason. That being said, I think Josh was just trying to look cool in front of all the kids. He isn't always great socially with a big group of kids and he will come off as very hyper and silly. I think he was just trying to be funny and didn't think what he said could be hurtful. The girl he said it to is someone he knows very well and has always got along with.

My biggest gripe about the whole situation was the way I was confronted. This parent didn't know me from Adam. I have never seen her in school, just her husband. I feel like if she needed to get her opinion off her chest she should have pulled me aside and talked to me. By confronting me in front of other parents, I felt I had no choice but to ask Josh about the situation and talk to him right then and there. She sat at a nearby table waiting for him to come and apoligize to her neice. It was just insane. The way she spoke to me was just crazy. Very judgmental and nasty. Infact, one parent who over heard the situation used a few choice words after she left.

I'm just so tired of my son being the one who gets in trouble for doing or saying the wrong things. He trys so hard to just fit in, and when he does that, it still doesn't turn out right for him.

Anyway...thanks for your thoughts.

[lynn]

bugsmom, it sounded like this mom had it in for you before you even had a chance to meet her.....

I am sure if she would of approached you in a non judgemental way the problem would of been solved in 2 seconds flat. but of course that didn't happened.

I am so sorry that happened, I had to leave a party once because of incident like that, my child shut down too, she told me later she was embarrassed by the whole thing and she didn't even realized she had done somethig wrong.

tell josh that I am sure his best friend still likes him and that he just learned a hard lesson on how other people can be critical

[jj]

You know what is ironic about this whole thing. That adult was 10 times more in the wrong than Josh was. She intentionally walked over and embarassed you and Josh spontaniously said something to be funny - was being a kid. Now whats wrong with that picture? Who should be demostrating the way to act...the adult or the child. Sheesh.

[crazyhouse]

I can' talk long so I'll make it quick no one mentioned this. If her daughter was a cousin then she wasn't even the one paying for the party! How rude to make a scene somewhere you have been invited. I honestly have a big mouth and I personally would have told the woman I would handle it and if she persude the issue I then would have told her to mind her own darn buisness #@$@#^%. I'm sorry but thats wrong in so many ways what that woman did!