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Post by katiekat on Feb 8, 2007 17:50:31 GMT -5
I do not have enough time for Sean. And I dont mean I have no time for him but I do not have the kind of time he expects of me.I take time each day with him for just the 2 of us. I will read to him,play a board game,or an educational computer game or maybe just talk. There are some things I wont do however. I will not play power ranger action figures or Yugio cards or matchbox cars. These are things to play with another child and I just wont do it. He seems to think I should entertain him constantly. I feel like I say "go find something to occupy yourself with" a hundred times a day. Even when I give him the time and attention it's never enough. If it were up to him I would play with him every waking moment of every day. I tried to explain to him that there are things I have to do and also things I want to do. I HAVE to cook,clean,go to work,do laundry and I do have another child. Sometimes I just want to read,watch a tv show or talk to a friend on the phone. I cannot do any of these things without constant interruptions. I already give him a quiet time when Im home but unless the quiet time is literally all day long he wont leave me alone. I know all kids can be a pain but this is so excessive. It's driving me insane and making me very angry as well. My husband must sense how fed up I am because at the psych. appt. when she asked him what his greatest fear about the future was he told her "that my wife will get so fed up with Sean she will leave me" Other than working 24/7 any ideas on how to handle this?
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Post by misty on Feb 8, 2007 17:59:37 GMT -5
OMG.....you just described Shannon a few years ago! She was the neediest child EVER & I just about went insane! I tried EVERYTHING! I finally hit on one thing that worked. I slated a specific time just for her. I mean we had an exact time that was "ours" from 6-8 every night is what worked for me so that was our time. Of course I didn't ignore her the rest of the day but if she wanted to play or watch a show with me, I'd say "Its not 6 yet." I'd encourage her each morning to plan what she wanted to do during our time too. And when it WAS our time, I'd not answer the phone or anything. Let the machine pick it up...I'd call them back later. It took I'd say a week or 2 but she finally "got it" and she really loved knowing we had our regular time where I'd drop everything just for her and do whatever she wanted.
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Post by charliegirl on Feb 8, 2007 17:59:47 GMT -5
My son is the same way. Even when he is playing computer games or his psp games, he thinks I should be right there with him, getting as excited over every move he makes. Even when I'm doing something and he is doing something else, he expects me to drop everything and run to see what he wants, every 30 seconds. Argh! LOL
I just keep telling him that I love him dearly but I can't and won't spend every second with him. Just like you, I point out that there are things I like to do or have to do that he doesn't enjoy. I also point out that I need time alone. That doesn't mean I don't love him but it does mean that I need some time to just think about what I want to think about, or nothing at all.
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Post by katiekat on Feb 8, 2007 18:27:22 GMT -5
We have our time right after school when no one else is home. And I do the same thing,let him pick what he wants to do. I've been doing this since school started but he's still not gotten it. I think I feel guilty and I guess I really shouldnt. I just feel like Im constantly rejecting him,but then again if he didnt ask a thousand times a day he wouldnt be told no so much. As I type he is calling me from the bath tub to show me how he gets water out of his ear.  |
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Post by misty on Feb 8, 2007 18:30:44 GMT -5
Well, I know with Shannon it didn't work until I named the time OURS....Sure, I spent time with her before that & it never worked until I sat down with her & "gave" her that specific time. She always knew the exact time it started & the exact time it ended. Thats when it started working.
One thing I can tell you is they DO grow out of it. She wasn't so needy after around age 9 or 10. So, hang in there!
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Post by jfla on Feb 8, 2007 19:12:23 GMT -5
Hmmm...I don't remember my kids being too needy...sorry I have no suggestions...I am sorry that I am not of much help. What about setting up activities for him to do while you are nearby to develop playing by himself more? My adhder has never been needy...always off making messes and getting in trouble.
I remember that my youngest liked "Mom and Me Time" when he was in preschool and early elementary. I've always liked playing kid games, imagination and role playing, arts and crafts, nature stuff...I could always do that at a drop of a hat...that's why the house was and is usually messy. Now they are older and I miss those earlier activities. Nostalgia.
Regards
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Post by charliegirl on Feb 8, 2007 20:55:59 GMT -5
When I think about it. My son does spend a lot of time alone without bothering me. The times he does annoy me are times when I am involved with something and he needs attention, so it just seems like he is constantly needing attention.
He did need constant attention when he was younger but Misty is right, they do grow out of it.
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Post by bugsmom on Feb 8, 2007 22:38:10 GMT -5
Katiekat I know just what you mean! Gosh, I thought it was just me! Josh is almost 11 and he still wants my constant attention! I really don't have too much advice, just want you to know your not alone. I finally had to put my foot down not long ago cuz he was driving me nuts...I felt like I was going to sufficate! We talked about how I need my time to get things done, and like Misty, we established a special time where he gets my undivided attention. But I do remember when Josh was Seans age I felt like I never had one waking moment to breathe. Just hang in there, it will get better with age. Hey...at least you know how to get water out of your ear! Ha Ha!
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Post by crazyhouse on Feb 9, 2007 0:05:06 GMT -5
KK me too me too Jake drives me up the wall every where I go in the car at 45 mph mom look at this I cant right now I'm driving - Why AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! He has been up my backside for the past week or so. I remember an occupational Therapist labeling this trait but I don't remember the techinal term. At the age of 2 he didn't talk or cry (AH those were the days)  find interest in toys he just needed to pleased all the time. Now he needs approval and direction and an opinion on everything in his life ALL THE TIME! Or he feels the need to dance around in his own little world on my laundry or in front of the dishwasher or TV. I keep telling my husband if I don't get some away time soon he is going to have to have me commited!!!!!!! I'm joking obviously, but I keep telling myself one more day. Our appt is tommorow at 10 am with the psych. I really hope this woman has a miracle up her sleeve because I need one to keep me going at this point!  |
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I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
