Rough couple of days....

[bugsmom]

Well, yesterday was our 1st official rough day at school. Actually, I won't even say "Rough", but you would have thought the world had ended in Josh's eyes.

OK...so I pick him up in the car line at school, and as soon as he gets in the car he starts balling his eyes out. So I calmly ask "What's going on, honey?" He cries even more and I finally get him calmed down and he says he got 2 check marks today. Well, thats not good. In his school you first get a warning, then a check, and if you get another check you either lose recess or get a detention, depending on your offense.

So anyway, I guess he got a warning for speaking out of turn, then he got a check for reacting to a snotty remark another child made towards him (that kid got in trouble too), and the final one was for being TOO loud during art class. He was just crushed. He went on and on about how he's never going back to school again, he's ruined the whole year already, nobody likes him, he can't do anything right...it went on for at least fifteen minutes. All the while, my heart is breaking. I know how hard he tries, he really does. He is a very loud kid and his impulsivness is his biggest issue. So anyway, I called his teacher when he went out to play and she said that he had a great morning, the afternoon was rough because there was a lot going on. She said she could tell that the noise in the classroom was stirring him up and tried to get him to talk softer. She said he was very loud, trying to talk over everyone. She was very understanding and actually said she was not going to take his recess away for today.

Well, this morning he didn't want to go to school. He was convienced he was just going to have another bad day and he didn't want to go. Well, he went and I worried all day. I go to pick him up this afternoon and he looks pretty happy coming down the hall and my heart just leaps. As we're walking out of school, his English teacher approaches me and wants to have a chat. GREEEEAAAT. Anyway, shes going on about how Josh's voice is just too loud in class and she doesn't know what to do. I'm like, deal with it! He's not disrespectful, he's kind to others, HE HAS ADHD! She then she says, "Well, I gave him a name for his loudness and then a checkmark too, and well, he just started crying in class". By this time I'm speechless. I just told her that punishing him over and over again for being who his is is not going to help. I suggested that she point out to him when he IS acting appropriately and maybe that would help her out some. I'm just sooooooo tired of having to explain to teachers that hes not doing these things intentionally! And then I'm tired of always trying to explain to Josh that he has to have more control of HIS OWN behavior! ARRRRRGGGGG...I'm so frustrated watching him struggle, it just tears me up.

So now I know, after only 2 weeks, that the English teacher is going to be the big problem. His homeroom teacher is just great, she really gets the big picture. His other 3 teachers know him very well and work well with him. I just can't help having that pit of my stomache feeling already.

[misty]

bugsmom said:

I just told her that punishing him over and over again for being who his is is not going to help. I'm just sooooooo tired of having to explain to teachers that hes not doing these things intentionally! And then I'm tired of always trying to explain to Josh that he has to have more control of HIS OWN behavior!

Thats it EXACTLY! Shannon isn't hyper at all, but she is very impulsive & I try & try to get people to understand that she cant help it! Thankfully, its not much of a problem in school (knock on wood) but I see the way her friends parents look at her & it makes me MAD. So I feel your pain. Can you send that teacher some info on the impulsive side of ADHD & maybe include some classroom tips & some web links to check out? Maybe it'll help her understand.

[bugsmom]

Thanks for the Bear Hugs Misty, I really needed that...very cute.

You know, every year I give his teacher a copy of "50 tips for Teachers dealing with ADHD in the classroom" from the book Driven to Distraction. I think I'll have to make a copy for his English teacher too. I have a feeling that shes not going to be too thrilled with it. Shes a pretty tough cookie from what I've heard. But you know, I could tell that she felt bad that he started crying. I think that she was actually more shocked that a 6th grade boy would be crying over a check, but he's just so hard on himself. I guess I'm going to have to educate another one. Even on meds he's a pretty loud kid, how am I suppose to change that? I'm NOT making excuses for him, I just want a little understanding.

[misty]

I know. I have a loud one too & the more I try to get her to quiet down, the louder she can get. I have to catch her right away, before she she gets too caught up in the moment, because once she does theres no stopping her until she winds down on her own. If she does something funny & I laugh, she'll do again & again & again, & again, getting louder & more obnoxious each time until I'm SCREAMING "BE QUIET" & then I feel bad. As you can tell, I don't have much advise since I experience much the same problems as you......but at least I understand.

[bugsmom]

misty said:

I know. I have a loud one too & the more I try to get her to quiet down, the louder she can get. I have to catch her right away, before she she gets too caught up in the moment, because once she does theres no stopping her until she winds down on her own. If she does something funny & I laugh, she'll do again & again & again, & again, getting louder & more obnoxious each time until I'm SCREAMING "BE QUIET" & then I feel bad. As you can tell, I don't have much advise since I experience much the same problems as you......but at least I understand.

Oh my gosh, you discribed Josh to a T. Especially the part about doing it over and over again! I always tell Josh...OK...its just not as funny as the first 10 times! I too need to catch Josh BEFORE he spins out of control. You feel so bad because their just having fun, but then it just gets to be too much. They don't know when to stop. The loudness thing, geez what can you do?

[charliegirl]

I feel so bad for you both.

When that happened to my son last year and the teacher told him to stop bawling, I pulled him to homeschool. Since then, I've had time to think about it and what other steps I could have taken.

Can you talk to the principal or guidance counselor and ask them if Josh can come to them when he has reached breaking point so he won't lose it in front of the other kids? The other kids seeing it makes it even harder on them, so if he has a safe place to go and someone who can help him calm down, it may help.

I would tell the teacher that when he got upset, he would give her a signal of some kind and then was leaving. If she said no, I'd tell him to go anyway.

You also can go to the principal and tell him or her that Josh is doing his best but that teacher won't give him a break and that you want her to work with you to help Josh learn, not just make him so upset he can't try. Something along those lines.

Of course you should start with the teacher and only go over her head if she refuses to help. I can't remember, does Josh have an IEP? If he does, you can have it in there that Josh only gets discipline after the teacher has tried 3? times to get him to settle down.

[misty]

bugsmom said:

I always tell Josh...OK...its just not as funny as the first 10 times!

Me too. I try & explain to Shannon that it stopped being funny after the 3rd time....sigh. I wish I knew some great, inspiring words, but I just don't. Just that you can say a little prayer of thanks that you have a boy, because these symptoms get worse at Shannon's time of the month. I usually just want to crawl under my bed for a few days until she returns to a more normal state!

[bugsmom]

CG...thanks for all the wonderful ideas.

Josh does NOT have an IEP in place. We've never felt the need to put anything official in place because the school (private) has ALWAYS been wonderful in meeting all his needs. Although, Kyle and I have been discussing the matter and feel that it would be best if we did. In years past Josh has been given permission to leave the classroom anytime he felt he needed to. He would just go down and chat with the principle (who is a God Send) and he really was a great mentor to him. But due to buget problems, the principle is now teaching and can't be pulled out to deal with these things too often. Josh actually has him for a teacher, so he could talk to him in the morning if need be.

I just hope this teacher will be a little more understanding. I think I'll try to set up a meeting with her BEFORE things start to get out of hand.

His teacher last year gave him the 3 warning deal and it was great. He had a super year because she really got him. This year with all the changing of classes and teachers is probably just a little to stimulating for my overly hyper boy!

[lostmyshoe]

Bugs,

I sure hope today is a better one. An IEP is probably a good idea now that he's switching classes and probably having or will have more teachers. Becca is on a 504 plan and all of her teachers are required to follow it and assist Becca when she needs it. It has really worked out great for us. Now we just have to deal with the social issues. We will be having a meeting this week with her teachers. I think meeting with all the teachers helps a great deal. I'm praying that both Josh and Becca and everyone's children have a good week this week. Hang in there. Hugs to ya!

[jill]

The first week of school my girl was a monster mean, spiteful, and not listening but is doing better now. she earned herself a sleepover with her friend over here and oh both girls have the same diagnosis.