Sex Education

[lostmyshoe]

Another hurdle has come up and I am hoping we can get it resolved without too much stress. I don't know if any of you have come across this one yet, but my daughter does not want be taught Sex Ed. sitting with her classmates. My H and I have always been very gentle in how we have explained things to her. We waited until she was ready for Middle School before we really went into detail with her. I even bought her a wonderful Christian book that explains it in a loving and gentle way about God's plans for us. It even talks about adoption. It is a wonderful book written by a Lutheren Minister named Larry Christensen. I'm not sure why this subject is so uncomfortable for her but we are now going back and forth with the school about what to do. Sometimes it just seems endless. As soon as we get through one crisis another arises. The school called me today about her decision to go to the library and do a separate study from the other children. They think it would be better for her to be in the classroom with a teacher's support as opposed to just sitting in the library and doing the work alone. So far she is the only student this year that has requested this option. We are going to speak with her tonight and the Guidance counselor and health teacher want to sit down with her tomorrow. I am just not sure what to do right now. I just want her to be comfortable.

[charliegirl]

Have you found out from the school how they are teaching it? Schools vary in their approach. Possibly your school is the same and if you and the teacher could do a quick review of the areas to be covered that might embarass your daughter with her, she will find that it won't be as bad as she expected.

[jj]

I certainly would like to know how they teach it because I have heard some schools do it in a rather tacky way and make it sound like it is perfectly O.K. if they have sex as long as they protect themselves, bla, bla, bla. That's the first thing I'd want to know. But I guess that isn't your dilemma. (Sorry, I get carried away)

If she already has a grasp on how things work I don't see why she couldn't study it on her own. If she has questions she can come to you or you can sit down with her and ask her if there was anything she didn't understand.

I guess I feel very strongly that I'd want to teach my kid about sex and not the school. But I have a feeling they require her to at least read the material.

My thoughts are that if after you all talk to her and she still is very adamant about not attending the class then I wouldn't force her.

[misty]

I would force Shannon. Well, first I'd like to know how they are teaching it, true...but if I agree with the way they teach it, & its a required class, then I'd make her take it with all the other kids. Shes uncomfortable taking swimming with all the other girls but I make her do that too. Oh, I take her feelings into account & I talk to her & try to make her as comfortable as possible, but I think she needs to learn that there are some things we have to do even if we don't like them & following the requirements of the school is just one of them. We don't have to like it, but as long as its nothing that will hurt us, we do need to learn to "grin & bear it".

[katiekat]

I have to agree with Misty here. Yes, I would talk to the teacher about how and what is being taught but I do think that she should participate in the class.

[lostmyshoe]

Thanks so much for your replies. I talked to her at length when she came home from school and told her I felt it better for her to take the class with everyone else. The Guidance counselor and the Health teacher are going to talk to her tomorrow and I think that will help. Our school is teaching them about the human body and also STD's. They may also be teaching about some contraceptives, not exactly sure on that one. I'm hoping they will teach about abstinence also. We have already talked to her about our religious views and that just because the school may teach some things, that doesn't mean it is morally right. She has to take quizes and tests to pass the class but it doesn't mean she has to agree with all of the information. She understands all of that perfectly but just has to get past feeling embarrassed about the subject in general. I also reminded her it is only one semester. Thank goodness the Guidance counselor is so helpful. I think talking with her and the Health teacher will definitely help. This week is her first week with health so we'll see how it goes. I'll let you all know. Thanks again so much for your replies.

[jill]

Is it the kids in the class the ones making her un-comfortable along with the topic? I was always teased and sensitive stuff always made things more un-bearable, just a different point of view to consider. I went through school never having a boyfriend until college and got teased for being a virgin and it used to embarass me.

[lostmyshoe]

About the kids, fortunately we got the ones that really bothered her out of her classes this year. It is the actual subject it seems that she is very shy about. We have always been very gentle and understanding about the topic and have answered any questions she had about it. I just think she is a little more immature emotionally then some of the kids and is not really very comfortable yet with the subject of sex. I went to a Catholic school so I didn't get Sex Ed until 9th grade when I switched over to the public High School. At that point I was a little more mature and my values were pretty much set in stone. I got some teasing too for having a strict moral code so I understand how you felt too. I didn't date until after high school and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't think I will have to worry about Becca getting into trouble with boys and if she chooses to wait to date until later, that is just fine with me. I think she will eventually be okay with the sex issues, just in her own time. At least she's not trying to grow up too fast. The Health teacher is going to talk to her tomorrow and I think that will help.

[bugsmom]

Oh, this is a toughie Losty. I feel for Becca...my Josh is very immature on these issues and I know where your coming from. On the other hand, my first thought when I read this post was a fear that if Becca DIDN'T take the class with her peers that they would make fun of her. Kids are so cruel and I could just imagine some one making fun of her for opting out.

I think I would make her do the class with her peers. I think after the first few classes she may feel a little more comfortable. Sometimes we have to push them out of their comfort zone for their own good. I wouldn't say that if I didn't think she could handle it. But, boy I feel for you.

Josh goes to a Christian school and they do not teach sex ed. They do have health class, but they stop at the sex talk. His father and I want to be the ones to guide him in this area. It's so hard because I know what you mean about the immaturity. Josh wanted to throw-up when we explained what a girls period was! Hee Hee. Anyway, I'm sure that Becca will be ok. You've laid a wonderful foundation for her. I hope the talk with the health teacher will help. Please let us know how this turns out. Boy, its always something, huh?

[jill]

It was only a thought. Look at the bright side you have brought her up well if she is not interested yet, a good morale code is what is needed in todays society. I am proud of being a prude for at least I knew I carried no disease.