calm before the storm

[carol]

We are at now the calm before the storm. You know about this ladies, when the child has been doing good for a while and then, BAM! we have another setback. This is not me being pessimisstic as my husband would say, I have been trained. I say to you all, let this hold or stick, because I am always looking for that X-factor as to why Gage acts the way he does and when he does. There is no patterm other than when he feels threatened or pressure. Well, that is basically the world. Darwin said it, "Survival of the fittest." Here is my question, "What happens to the ones that aren't the fittest?" I feel guilty for feeling this way, but realistically, this is how the world works today. I don'y want to convey this message to my son, so I hoped joined this and talking and venting would hide my feelings from him.

[katiekat]

Ah yes, I know what you mean-the storm always does come. It's not being pessimisstic it's being realistic and prepared. I also search for patterns in Sean's behavior but have come up with nothing. You are so right-it's just life. I think about these things too. Like, if he can't deal with the pressures of being 7 how will he deal with the pressures that come with being 17? His future worries me often, I know it is a long way off but still...
I don't have any answers but I can be here to listen. So vent away.

[misty]

I don't think there is a pattern to Shannon's behavior, except for the monthly moodiness, but that's another story. She seems to get more disorganized at different times, but there's no underlying pattern that I can discern. She's not hyper, but she does get wound up. Last night she was in the middle of the living room doing what can only be described as something resembling the Mexican Hat dance & saying some silly phrase over & over & over and louder & louder, to the point that I wanted to smack her.I didn't of course, but no amount of trying to get her to stop works. when she gets like that, it just has to run its course. In school she'll do well for awhile & then just when I think she's getting more organized, the calls from the teachers will start....Shannon isn't turning in work, she's not doing her bell-ringers, she's not bringing her notebooks or text books to class. Then, as mysteriously as it started, she'll suddenly be back on track.

[bugsmom]

Oh, Carol...you've discribed my whole life! When things are going well I won't even speak of it because I'm usually eating my words within 24 hours!

Josh is very much like Gage, where there is absolutely no pattern to his behavior. I will say (and I know I'll regret it...hee hee) that he has gotten better in the past 6 months. I really believe that it is due to finally maturing a little bit. Not a whole lot, but enough to where I do notice it.

I don't think your being pessimisstic at all, your just being truthful. Hang in there...and vent away all you need. I'm sure I'll be joining you soon when the next storm hits!

[charliegirl]

I have to admit I have wondered about Darwin's theory in relation to my son also. I finally decided that it didn't apply. Think about the people you know who did very well in school, never had to study until they were exhausted, were popular and seemed to have everything going for them. Look at where they are now.

Kids I knew in school who seemed to have it all are living no better than I did. Others who we never thought would succeed are doing very well.

I came to the conclusion that the best thing we can do for our kids is teach them to work hard and value an education. Even if they don't do well in school, if they learn how to study and find something they want to do for their futures, they will apply that attitude and interest into getting there. They know they have to work to succeed.

The one girl who was a good friend of my daughter and got picked on for having an IEP and services is now (at the ripe old age of 25) making more per year than my husband and I ever made combined. She learned she had to work to get anywhere and in spite of getting married and having children young, she went to college and did what she had to do.

I think of her a lot when I am fighting with my son to apply himself. The future is what we are trying to prepare our kids for today. Its worth the hard work we have to put into them now, to see them succeed tomorrow.

[carol]

I can see we all know the meaning of said phrase, "The calm before the storm." Your insightful words and support do help me through this limbo period I seem to have created. As he seems to improve, at times, in baby steps, is how I guess I am handling the result of his struggles. I only hope for the best for all these children, because if they could express it, I believe they would say, "I am in this storm and can't find my way out." We will trudge on with realistic goals and make lots of coffee. lol

[jill]

This is true my girl will go through periods where she is a terror for like a week long and drain me completely then boom will be awesome for the next week like nothing.

[annem]

I guess the other way of looking at it can be "the storm before the calm" ... because YES I agree about the calm before the storm (AAAGH!! Been there !) .. but I also think this can often be reversed ... (on looking back) ... and sometimes it seems it takes a storm before the calm can come back ... (if that makes sense!) ..

Hmmm Darwin's theory on survival of the fittest ... I don't know !! I am just not sure on the applicability (word?) of this in today's society ... as CG says she has seen those who were expected to succeed not do so spectacularly and those who were NOT expected to ... do very well !! ... and I agree ... that is the same from where I am standing too ... which kind of turns Darwin's theory on its head ... although I think its worth also remembering that he was ostensibly referring to wild animals with absolutely NO help when he said this !! ... So maybe (?) society today and the way it has evolved really IS helping to give everyone that more equal chance???

[carol]

Where my son is attending school now, I know he is getting help. I had to fight tooth and nail to get him there. Some other parents and their children are still suffering. I do feel bad about the posts I have recently read. Currently, we seem to be out of that constant badgering loop cycle, because my son is where he is. He is in a classroom of seven children. He has behavior modification along with accommodations to assist his dyslexia. Just with these changes, a number of his past had constant complaints of Gage's throwing things in the classroom. I can wallpaper my walls with the throwing notes. One teacher even told me he had a throwing disorder. I was dumb enough to look it up. lol At any rate, the throwing, we believe was an impulsive/boredom behavior and I dare not ask his new school whether he is throwing. I know they would report it since all his behavior is tracked more efficiently. Don't want to jinx a good thing. With each success, I hope my sketchy feelings for his future will dissipate, although, I know I have to work on being more confident in him so he does not read my uncertainty. Listening to others thoughts is inspiring. I feel like I can change my mindset.