: Why Other Children are Rejecting Your Child

[misty]

Thread Started on Jul 5, 2006, 12:52am

Why Other Children are Rejecting Your Child

Developing healthy peer relationships is critical for the normal development of an ADHD child. Peer relationships have been found to be an important predictor of positive adult adjustment and behavior. Difficulty in finding friends leads to feelings of low self-esteem and these feelings usually continue into adulthood.

Children with poor social skills are at risk for delinquency, academic underachievement, and school drop out. Even though the inattentiveness, impulsiveness, and restlessness frequently persist into adult life, these problems are of less importance as the child gets older. Rather, the main difficulty ADHD patients encounter as they reach maturity is their inability to interact appropriately with others.

Read on:

www.adhd-made-simple.com/Social_Skills.html



Charlie Girl

Something I recognized as a biggie in my son's life is wanting to dominate play. He finds it hard to get interested in what other kids are doing if he is thinking of another game or interest, so he tries to make them play what he wants to play.

Of course, when you have a few kids enjoying something, they are not going to want to stop that to humor one kid, so then he gets angry and yells.

Does anyone else have a child who thinks he should be the one to choose what to play and when to play it, and gets upset when the others don't agree?

How do you handle it? Lecturing doesn't seem to work. I usually end up making my son come in the house until he settles down, which can take ages.


misty

I handle it the same way Barb. I make Shannon come in until she has control of herself.

She does like to be the leader & I actually see more of this as she gets older. Her & her friends dont so much "Play" any more but she gets upset if someone else chooses the movie or the music. Its like she just doesn't want to bend, although she surely expects her friends to bend & do/listen to what SHE wants!

[misty]

jill

My daughter gets socialization group at school part of her IEP. She also will be starting socialization groups at the University tonight part of the study I got her into. I am excited I will be in my first parenting class while she does socialization with other kids like herself.


notellin

My son also wants to dominate play. But he does not yell, he just leaves and plays alone and then cries later b/c no one would play his game. I talk to him about "making a deal for himself." Play what they want to play, and then suggest something else after some time has passed, or negotiate playing his game next time. I also tell him that he cannot have his way all of the time, and I hardly ever get things my way. He's starting to come around. I've got him on a waiting list for a social skills class also.



lostmyshoe

Jill, I sure wish there had been a socialization program available for my daughter. That sounds like a really wonderful thing. Notellin, my daughter used to play alone a lot when she was younger until she made a few good friends. She is doing better now but she has always been a little behind in the social area. Misty, thanks so much for the great article. The books look great and I think I may just purchase the ones that relate to my daughter. She is finally starting to make more friends but it took her a while due to her have trouble with things like impulsivity, attitude and relating to her peers. I have done a lot of work with her and she is doing so much better but I think the books can help even more. Thanks so much for the great article and info!




Good News! When my daughter went back to school after our vaca she said the girls welcomed her back. She was kind of surprised. She has really worked hard this year to develop friendships and get along better with people and I think it has really payed off. I'm praying things will continue to go well for her. She was so happy when she came home from school yesterday. I'm so proud of her.

[misty]

jill

For socialization I try to play with her and try teaching her through play. I also when she is with another child do a lot of bridging and talking to my child when it is us two.

as for the study I do not know what she got out of the social groups but the parenting classes I had I did not learn anything new all the things suggested we already do. Most of what I had learned was from message boards and others I was hoping to learn new materials to share.




lostmyshoe


I know what you mean Jill, I think I've learned more here, online and from doing a lot of reading then parenting classes I took when Becca was small. I have worked with Becca a lot too and done the bridging too. I have a good relationship with Becca's friends and I think that is important tool. So far she is having a pretty good year. Her second school dance is next Friday. She was so nervous going to first one and wound up having a great time. I hope the second is just as fun. I let you all know how it goes.

[lostmyshoe]

Boy am I glad for this thread. Sometimes things seem to be going better then actually are. It seems for a while Becca has been having some problems with a particular group of kids in school. I feel so bad for her. I have spoken to her gym teacher as this is where the problem occurs. None of her friends are in her gym class and this rotten group of kids pick on my daughter. I think I'm going to invest in some of those books from the link. I bookmarked it. So sad about what is going on with my daughter. I'm trying to support her as much as I can. So glad for this thread.

[charliegirl]

Losty, is it possible to have her switched to another gym class, preferrably one which has a few of her friends in it?

[misty]

I was thinking the same thing, CharlieGirl. Also, why isn't the gym teacher stopping the bullies?

[crazyhouse]

Jake is always trying to be the one "in charge" TODAY we were at the Dr.'s office and he was drawing on the chalk board a little 18 mth old came over tried to draw with a little piece of chalk and Jake over graciously offered to help! The child lost interest and walked back over to his mom. Jake noticed he was gone and went to find him. He tried offering the little boy chalk and the boy declined so Jake decided he(the little boy) was going back to the chalk board, so Jake picked him up and started to carry him!!! I was mortified. Plus I was coaxing a fussy 11 month old. I jumped up in the middle of a crowded waiting room said Jake Please come here. Of course he did not listen to me so I got a hold of him and parked his butt in a chair and said you can not pick up someone's child if you don't know them. That is an instant timeout! At this point in my head I wanted to scream (because I have had a very hectic stressful day) but I remained calm and did not let that little boy move until the nurse called our name. Also the mommy of the little boy was nice enough to give me a dirty look, that always helps

I see him try to control games or where he stands in line for the bus he has even tried negotiating his way out of an assigned seat on the bus. He is going to be put on meds soon or else he's gonna put me in the ground. Charlie girl your in charge of what they put on my head stone.

[puzzled]

Why the dirty look??? After all, you did jump right up and correct your child!! No child is perfect, and it is a learning process....gheez, you did your job, you parented your child and disciplined him!

[charliegirl]

crazyhouse said:

Jake is always trying to be the one "in charge" TODAY we were at the Dr.'s office and he was drawing on the chalk board a little 18 mth old came over tried to draw with a little piece of chalk and Jake over graciously offered to help! The child lost interest and walked back over to his mom. Jake noticed he was gone and went to find him. He tried offering the little boy chalk and the boy declined so Jake decided he(the little boy) was going back to the chalk board, so Jake picked him up and started to carry him!!! I was mortified. Plus I was coaxing a fussy 11 month old. I jumped up in the middle of a crowded waiting room said Jake Please come here. Of course he did not listen to me so I got a hold of him and parked his butt in a chair and said you can not pick up someone's child if you don't know them. That is an instant timeout! At this point in my head I wanted to scream (because I have had a very hectic stressful day) but I remained calm and did not let that little boy move until the nurse called our name. Also the mommy of the little boy was nice enough to give me a dirty look, that always helps

I see him try to control games or where he stands in line for the bus he has even tried negotiating his way out of an assigned seat on the bus. He is going to be put on meds soon or else he's gonna put me in the ground. Charlie girl your in charge of what they put on my head stone.

The whole time I was reading your post, I was actually thinking how much that sounded like my son and what he would do.

With our kids, you can go from feeling so proud of their encouraging another child , to wanting to pretend you don't know the pushy kid in 0.10 seconds flat!

On the upside, I do believe Jake really thought he was being helpful in trying to engage the other child in playing. That mother should have been more understanding. Its not like he got mad and hit the kid; he was trying to be nice.

[lostmyshoe]

Gosh CH,

So sorry to hear about the incident with your son. My daughter is quite the opposite when it comes to her peers. She seems to let other kids walk all over her, yet when it comes to listening to me, she wants to be boss and run roughshod over me. I have to put her in her place quite often. I think she kind of takes her frustrations from school out on me. CG and Misty, As for the gym situation, the teacher is watching now for any signs of trouble and said he won't let it continue. I just emailed him last week when my daughter told me what was going on. Thankfully she only has 2 more days of gym and then she goes into health for the 3rd marking period. The classes were broken up for the 2nd marking period and her friends had health. They go back to regular gym for the 3rd and 4th marking periods and when my daughter is done with health she'll be back with them again. I just hope she will be okay in health class. She said the nasty kids usually don't bother her in the classroom, mostly in gym, so I think she should be alright. I'm keeping close tabs though with the teachers. I'm hoping the 3rd marking period will be better for her.