I had it today with the psychologist

[mary2]

Today I took my son again to the psyc in order to resume the evaluation he has been having with her. The main idea is that once this evaluation is ended she can start a plan of action to work out my son's social skills. My son's social skills need to be worked out, but they are in no way critical. He just needs a little support and help to handle better certain social situations.

After my son spent about an hour with the psych in her office she came out and called me. I just hated the way she looked at my face asking me in a sad tone(I just hated it!!) if my son had friends at school. I answered yes, and added that in fact he had two best friends; I asked her what was the reason she was sounding extremely sad or concerned (I don't really know what way to put it) about my son; she said that she thought my son's social ability was extremely affected since he had been very quiet and biting his fingernails during the evaluation. I asked her what this had to do with the social part; then she started saying nonsense (for me). She argued that the school my son is in is not appropriate for his social abilities since it is a single sex school and discipline problems are pretty common there. I started kind of telling her my views (which I really hated); I told her that if she thought my son had a critical social condition, he would be exactly the same at any other school; moreover, I was there with him to help him and not to hear nonsense like this. I know my son is not easy to make friends, but I don't agree his condition is critical like she wanted to express me. She started realizing I was getting upset and asked me to quiet down.

I told her that my son had never complained about school; in fact he was always happy to go . Then she said it was not a reason to tell that my son was happy socially. I really got so upset my blood was boiling. I also told her I had been there last week at an appointment and the social topic was not even mentioned; they said he was progressing accordingly and that he was just fine, they basically told me that the problem was me because I was stressing too much, therefore I had relaxed myself up to this day with this psych.

I really hate the fact of having to engage in these kinds of conversations with her. It is really nonsense to me. I am doubting to take him again on Thursday for the last evaluation session.

[misty]

I really think what a parent feels in her heart is usually correct. You know your son better than anyone else. Is there any way you can switch psychiatrists??

[mary2]

misty said:

I really think what a parent feels in her heart is usually correct. You know your son better than anyone else. Is there any way you can switch psychiatrists??

Yes Misty, I think I will have to take that route. The sad part is all the time and money I spent in this one.

I am really confident in regard to my son's issues; so I hate when somebody wants to change your views when you are just looking for help.

[jj]

Yikes, I think I would have been slamming the door as I made my exit after she said to "quiet down". Ohhh, that would tick me off.

I agree with Misty. You know your son better than anyone. And by the way, biting ones nails doesn't mean someone is stressed or upset. I bite my nails when I'm reading a good book and don't even realize I'm doing it. It's just a bad habit much like someone playing with their hair or jiggling their foot. Could be a nervous habit but it also could be just a habit.

[mary2]

I think that what would really have made me slam the door was her face of sadness and pitilessness when she asked whether my son had friends. Like I said, my son has two friends in school, but if we really think about how many friends we had in school, and how many friends we have today, it definitely comes to a close number for most. I am a teacher, and I know that friendship in kids usually comes in small groups; this is clearly seen during recesses hours at school.

I don't feel sadness or pitilessness for my son because he only has two friends; on the other hand, I think he is happy with those friends and that he only needs to improve a little his reaction to some social situations; the social situations which he has more trouble handling deal more with adults and not with other kids. Of course, he needs to have his social skills worked out so he can deal better with all situations including kids, it is also true that ne needs to grow more mature; but this psych put my son like an isolated sad soul who needs to go to a different school because according to her beliefs he is having trouble at school. After this appointment I took a time a questioned my son (like I have done before) about how he felt in school in regard to friends and he said he was just fine.

Maybe the psych thinks he could possibly be bullied by other aggressive kids: my son comes in the school bus where ALL kids and us moms are having a hard time with a bully (who is older); my son has done a great job in defending himself and he just doesn't pay too much attention to the issue while the others have come with scratches and bruised eyes. Sorry to say it, but my son is not an isolated, and sad soul. If that were the case, she wouldn't need to say it to me with such face, she would just need to find soulutions and strategies.

[katiekat]

I have experienced this also. At Sean's first psychiatrist she was always making statements about him that were way off base and wouldn't listen to me. That was one of the reasons we stopped going there. I agree with Misty that as his mother you know him best. I wouldn't go back either.

[notellin]

Mother knows best. I hope that you did not return to hear more of her "wise" words. Any ADHD kids with two close friends is doing basically OK in the social department. You said that the goal of the evaluation was just to address social issues (with adults), but all you need to do is put him in a social skills class. You could do some role-playing at home too. That's the solution any doc is going to give you.