Homework Refusal & Failure

[misty]

I just got this article in my email. It hit home for me....my daughter does this--not telling me she has homework, not hamding work in....ARGH! Anyway, in Dealing with a Master of Deception: Homework Refusal & School Failure, Sue Heath analyzes this parent's concerns, identifies key issues, and offers strategies to resolve the problems.

And I'd like to know what everyone thinks in reply to the question they pose: "What do you think?

Do parents have a right to demand that teachers provide a list of homework assignments? Will this solve the problem?"

I personally think it would HELP for sure.

Heres the article:

www.wrightslaw.com/heath/homework.refusal.htm

[katiekat]

I think it would be a huge help if the school doesn't already have some sort of plan to keep the parents in the loop. I know at the middle and high schools here you can see what homework your child has on the district web site. I've never run into this problem because every year the school gives the kids a planner to write their homework in and the teacher checks each childs. In fact this year(5th grade) is the first year that the teacher doesn't sign the planners every day and then I would have to sign it every night.With this system in place it's pretty much impossible for the kids to say "I dont have any homework".

[charliegirl]

I don't think its asking too much of the teacher when the kids are in the lower grades, but by the time a child reaches high school he has to start taking responsibility for his actions.

If he has a disability, that would determine how much responsibility he has to assume, but we are preparing them for life in the adult world, so they have to be assuming more and more.

I do like the web sites or phone sites where each teacher lists each assignment so you can double check. I still think the kids should keep track of their own though and learn to only use them to clarify or find one they somehow missed.

Its all about teaching responsibility. The agendas are a great tool for that as they do encourage the child to keep a record of what he has to do and what is done, with a way for the parent to make sure he is doing it. That is enough for most kids to learn how to keep track of assignments if they don't have any other issues.

A high schooler who consistently isn't keeping track of assignments should be a red flag that there is something more going on. You do need to make sure he doesn't have a disability or even a bad teacher so the student can't learn, especially if its consistently one subject or a group of subjects which share the same basic skills. He could be "forgetting" because he can't do the work and is totally frustrated.

[bugsmom]

I have to say that there comes a time when our children either have to sink or swim. I too, believe that in the lower grades that asking the teacher for assistance is perfectly fine, but anything after say 4th or 5th grade, the student needs to really refine those skills on their own.

I used to do EVERYTHING for Josh in regards to making sure assignments were on time, turned in, and done. This year I just stopped doing it. I was afraid that if I continued he would never learn it on his own. He is in 5th grade this year and the only thing I will do is ask him if he got all his assignments done for the day. His school has a web-site that I can link up to all his daily assignments. I will go to the list everyday and ask him if he did it, if he did great. If he said he did it and he didn't...his fault and he will take the consequences.

I'm not saying we shouldn't help our kids with better skills on a daily basis, I'm just not going to go out of my way to cover his butt anymore. His psychiatrist once asked me "Kristin, when are you going to let him fail?" and I thought, she's completely right. I try to protect him so much that I don't let him fail...how will he ever learn?

So, as for the question, yes, in the younger grades it totally appropriate, but once you reach middle school its time to make sure they can start acting on their own.

[jj]

I think I agree with you Bugs. At the very least they should be allowed the chance to take care of these things on their own and to give it time to see how they do even if there are many failures.

I think you are doing a disservice to your kids if they depend on you for everything and it will be much harder for them when it is time to go out on their own.

[lillian]

O.K. I disagree.

In this article, this child is in high school, and he is failing because of HOMEWORK. The parent says that he won't graduate on time, which means he has a much higher probability of dropping out of high school. Because of HOMEWORK? No.

It's pointed out that he's sabotaging himself. Well, welcome to the teenage years. Parents who sit back and let a teenage child sabotage himself/herself are asking for nothing but grief and pain. I agree with the article that counseling may be necessary to try and figure out why the child is doing this, but the counseling isn't an overnight cure, and until the reasons are known, the parent needs to try and keep the child from destroying his/her future.

It's also pointed out that a parent doesn't want to be viewed as a "helicopter parent," by asking for homework assignments, and that asking for assignments will create a bad relationship with the student's teachers. Not with me, when I was a teacher. I would much rather have a parent who cares about his/her child's progress in school than a parent who doesn't, especially in high school. A high school student falling further and further behind = behavior problem in classroom!!! If the parent wasn't asking for the homework assignments, I'd be emailing them the assignments!

Finally, the article discusses the fact that parents have control over the things the child enjoys doing, and these can be taken away. I completely agree with that, and I do this with my son's homework assignments. No homework = no video games, no computer games, no friends coming over. Last nine weeks, when he came home with two C's and one D on his progress report, I emailed the teachers and found out that his grades were because of a lack of homework and writing in his panner, for the students have planner quizzes, so if there's nothing written down, the child gets a 0. He was not allowed to have video games, computer games, or hang out with his friends, unless he showed me he was writing in his planner on a daily basis. Wahlah! He began to write down his assignments. Now, the teachers have websites, so he can write down the assignments at home at the end of the day, but he's responsible for doing so, and when he doesn't, he doesn't get to do the other things he would be doing other than homework.

He came home yesterday with his first progress report for this nine weeks, and he had really good grades, except for one D. He wanted me to email the teacher and find out why. I KNOW WHY. He's not doing homework in her class, and, of course, she's the only teacher who doesn't post her homework on her website, or, if she does, she's two weeks behind in doing so, yet she's the one teacher who consistently complains about students not being organized, of course. Anyhoo, I refused to email her, telling him it was his responsiblity to find out why. He is supposed to be asking her today. But, you should see him standing there in front of me, batting his big ol' brown eyes, with eyelashes an inch long, saying, "I have no idea why I have a D in her class." Yeah, right. When he comes home with a breakdown of his grades and there are a bunch of 0's for homework, he's going to be one bored and lonely kid this weekend.

[jill]

My daughters school has a homework hotline parents can call it is the classroom number and the recording lists all the homework for the day. Yes parents do need to know what is due.

[annem]

Wow ... Good topic ... and homework always was one of our bug bears when my (now nearly 19) year old son was at school !!

I AGREE too though that by high school it is NOT up to the teacher to make sure that a list of homework is brought home ... My son in High School always had a Yearly Planner book ... and every time homework was given by whichever teacher they were asked to capture this in their planner ... the planner was then brought home (which would also include any comments a teacher or parent wanted to make) and would be signed by both the teacher and parent at the end of every week.

For someone who is possibly amongst the most forgetful human beings in the world (i.e. my son Sam) this "worked" ...

The bit that DIDN'T work was that he would forget to hand the homework in (even when it was finished and sitting in his backpack) and the other thing that didn't work was that he would do it at record speed and make loads of error... !! ... but thats a whole "other" story !!

BUTT ... the actual capture of what needed doing worked very well and with minimal effort from all parties ....

[unicorn]

Tiff is getting into the habit of telling me she doesn't have homework when they have the same types of work each week. So at least I know when a certain subject has work. If she forgets something, I make her call someone for the questions or she gets a 0. It has taught her not to lie to me and she doesn't like getting in trouble for missing work. But if I e-mailed the teachers they would let me know what assignment was given out.

[kyty]

In Kyle's school they have agenda books that homework is written in I initial it and stuff. Our problem is he always forgets the agenda. He tells me he gets all his work done in school. I have trouble believing him I try to keep in contact with the teacher trough e mail but its hard when I can't be there do help him remember everything he needs. Once he gets to Junior high you can go on line and find out homework and marks. One more year to go.