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Post by unicorn on Mar 16, 2008 22:08:48 GMT -5
Tiff an her foul, smart mouth have gotten better. When does it get better??? Even yesterday her friend told her that she couldn't believe that Tiff talks to me like she does. She said "Tiff she is your mother and you should be nice, she is the only mother you'll have. One day she'll be gone and you shouldn't be so mean." Pretty smart for a 10 year old huh? She also told her that she would be grounded if she spoke like that to her parents.
Raising my voice doesn't work, normal voice tones don't work. Grounding her doesn't work, taking stuff away doesn't work.
Some days she just wears me down with her back talk. Guess just needed to vent a little. Just so frustrating. She talks to my parents like this too.
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Post by misty on Mar 16, 2008 22:19:10 GMT -5
I hear you, Uni. You are not alone. Shannon called me an idiot & her dad a retard today. When I reprimanded her for it she started with the "Oh my GAWD" & the eye rolling. I grounded her from the phone. She was not a happy camper. I told her she doesn't have to be happy with the things we say to her but she WILL be respectful if she wants to keep her privileges. I'm glad tomorrow's a school day.
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Post by charliegirl on Mar 16, 2008 22:26:01 GMT -5
My daughter tried that and ended up not having a voice. I told her that if she couldn't be respectful, I couldn't hear her and just ignored her antics trying to get my attention. When she apologized, I could hear her again.
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Post by katiekat on Mar 16, 2008 23:06:17 GMT -5
It's going on here too, Uni. Just the other day I refused to talk to Joseph because of the way he speaks to me. He doesn't seem to like the whole cold shoulder thing, so he'll apologize quickly but the next day it's back to the same old smart a** attitude. He has become very unpleasant to be around this year. I do not like 12.
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Post by bugsmom on Mar 17, 2008 7:46:46 GMT -5
Uni, I think we're all in the same boat right now and its AWFUL! I take the same approach that CG did, ignore until I am spoken to with respect. It seems to work and I usually get an apology quickly. I just don't get it. I would have NEVER had the nerve to talk to my parents like these kids do...I would have been knocked through a wall!
Hang in there...at least we're all in this together! ;D
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Post by misty on Mar 17, 2008 7:51:26 GMT -5
Ignoring her doesn't work with Shannon. The next time she speaks to me she's always nice anyway, like the attitude never happened. Its the mood swings of adolescence. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to live with though.
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Post by rakuflames on Mar 17, 2008 9:04:49 GMT -5
Ignoring her doesn't work with Shannon. The next time she speaks to me she's always nice anyway, like the attitude never happened. Its the mood swings of adolescence. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to live with though. That's not just the mood swings of adolescence. It's a grab for power. Speaking to parents abusively is a challenge to parental authority. The thing is, if your child succeeds at this when a child, how will you control them when they have the keys to the car? We won't always know immediately whether a consequence has been effective or not. if you state a consequence and then walk away, you won't see the eye-rolling, and when she rolls her eyes to the back of your head, it's the act of a defeat, not a challenge. I also don't regard eye-rolling as a hugely awful thing. Calling one's parent an idiot or retard really is. What I would do is tell her, when things are calm, what the consequence has been, and tell her that when she has crossed the line you will say something like ("The consequence is in effect.") It could be withdrawal of phone AND INTERNET privileges -- why should she just IM with her friends instead of talking to them on the phone? -- And it should be long enough to get her attention -- I would say 24 hours, but not so long that resentment overtakes the fact that she deserved it. I would not do it for a week, because then if she does it again tomorrow -- you have no consequence to apply unless you escalate, and often such children interpret escalation of consequences as a battle cry, not an effective demonstration of the right and importance of the parent teaching appropriate behavior. Once you have applied the consequence, I would *not* let myself get baited into further discussion of any kind. If she stomps off, let her stomp. If she rolls her eyes, let it roll off your back. If she continues to rant and rave, walk away. Effective discipline often does NOT bring immediate results, but you should see improvement over time. |
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Post by misty on Mar 17, 2008 9:17:14 GMT -5
That's not just the mood swings of adolescence. I beg to differ. It IS the mood swings. She usually gets this way when its that time of the month (which it is). I agree its a power play, but most of what kids do at this age is since they are pulling away from their parents & learning to have their own ways. Taking away the phone is a HUGE deal to her since her & her best friend "HAVE" to talk every night at 7:30. Shes not on the computer in the evening so I have no need to take that away. Normally she's a pretty good kid. But she does get mouthy & taking the phone away works & shows her I will not tolerate being talked to in such a manner. |
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Post by lcdc1 on Mar 17, 2008 10:06:28 GMT -5
It is a challenge as a parent for me not to over react to it!! ARGHHHHH - I have not patience for it. Poor Ran gets it with both barrels if she catches me on a day I cannot take it. I have to pull my self back from just turning around at times and dressing her down. This morning she was frustrtated because she forgot she has soccer practice tonight and that is after school, after her orthodontist appt, and then soccer, then she baby sits tonight. SOOOOOO, I reminded her she needed her soccer bag in the car to go directly from her orthodontist to soccer and she like snapped at me! ARGHHHHHHHHH, this big dog snapped back twice as hard and over reacted. I told her if she did not want to treat me with respect and take care of her own stuff, then she could be on her own and ride the bus in the morning like every other American kid and if it was too tough to get ready for soccer without drama she should just quite!
Soooo, while I agree it is good to have consequences, it also good to be understanding of each other and not over react as I do at times! Ran has never called me a name to my face, she will just text her friends about it once in awhile if she is really mad.
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Post by jj on Mar 17, 2008 11:30:37 GMT -5
Oh gosh, this brings back memories. Nikki and the eye-rolling almost got to me more than the sassy mouth. I don't recall if she ever called me names. She was one to say things like "You are mean" and "I hate you". But that was back when I hadn't learned to give concenquences and make it the "end of discussion".
I think Raku has a good point. Turn your back so you don't have a chance to see the rolled eyes, however, to me that is just about as disrespectful as calling you an idiot. But that's just me.
I do think you have to be understanding of a situation. Like LC said, Ran was in a frustrating situation and moments like that isn't going to bring the best out in anyone. But if it is just a time when they are trying to get their way - thats a whole different story.
Uni, the only suggestion I have is maybe make her consequences doing chores if none of the other things work. Of course that would probably end up being another battle just to get her to do the chore but it may be worth it. Wish I was more help.
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I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
