Day 3

[charliegirl]

Did you try the yellow pages yet? They have several advocates listed. Please call one. Some of them may even have hours tomorrow so you can try then. You can't let this continue. There are laws.

You need to let the school know that you aren't playing their games any more but you need someone else to play hardball for you at this point. They have gotten into the habit of thinking they can brush you off. All you will do is react out of your frustration and give them a reason to call you unstable and blame you. Trust me. I've done just that.

You don't know how much I can feel your pain. I had nowhere near the problems with my son that you have but got so frustrated that I blew up at a meeting where they wanted to discuss holding him back to give him time to mature, I blew up and told them what I thought of them.

KK, if you haven't tried omegas, please do. The helped my son's behavior so much. They don't work for everyone but its worth a shot. When they help, its like a miracle.

We all love you and are rooting for you and Sean. We know you love him but I bet its hard to feel that, and liking him is out of the question right now. He isn't making it easy. Remember, he can't help it and probably hates himself for not being easy to love.

Hang in there. It will get better.

[misty]

charliegirl said:

We all love you and are rooting for you and Sean. We know you love him but I bet its hard to feel that, and liking him is out of the question right now. He isn't making it easy. Remember, he can't help it and probably hates himself for not being easy to love.

KK, is there ever a time when he's snuggly & calm , like after his bath, when you are reading together, or watching a favorite show? I find that Shannon will talk to me during times like this. I think Barb is right, & feeling unlikeable & unlovable will just make him more & more resistant to direction. My suggestion is you create a small ritual that you & he & no one else do together every day....like a read a story, take a walk, go swing on the swings in the park...just something that creates a warm feeling & that he can look forward to each day. Even if hes been a total monster that day, that small time you should push away any hard feelings & resentments & really enjoy him & connect with him. As he comes to realize that he can count on that every day & that no matter how bad he's been, you can put that aside for that time each day, you should be able to initiate some discussions into it & maybe you'll get a better look into what he's feeling & what makes him tick.

[katiekat]

There pretty much is no time where her is snuggly or calm. The only time he is snuggly is when his bio. mom and I are together and then he's all over me but it seems it's just being done to hurt her. There is no time when he is calm. It's really at the point I dont want to do anything with him. I used to but I have been burned too many times. Doing anything nice for or with Sean always blows up in your face and then you regret it. This is not just with me, my h and his bio. mom say the same thing. She buys him art supplies-he draws all over her walls. My h takes him fishing-he refuses to listen and walks off and talks to strangers. I read him a book-he corrects my reading the whole time instead of listening to the story (and he can't read). He makes everything so unenjoyable that no one wants to do anything with him. And his behavior limits the places you can take him. I will never take him to a park because there are other kids around and he always ends up beating on them. He will hit a baby as well as an older child so I just won't do it. I won't take him into stores either because he will throw a tantrum and run away from me. I won't take him to a friends house because he breaks their things and hurts their children. When you do things with him at home he gets what I call "attention-giddy." He always needs more attention and it's exhausting. Once you're done whatever youre doing he wants more and more and more. 24 straight hours of attention are not enough for him. It escalates and eventually turns ugly. He gets plenty of attention but it is never good enough. He even seeks attention from complete strangers-he walks right up to people(adults) in public places and says things like "I can run faster than you. Wanna see?"He is a prime candiditate for an abducted child. Another reason I am leery of taking him out since he runs away from you. It's just a bad situation any way I look at it.

[mary2]

KK, I don't know a lot about this part of your life but I am sorry you have to go through this. I really hope you can find anwers to this difficult situation soon so you can breathe a little.

[katiekat]

I looked on the yellowpages site and there is nothing that says anything about advocates anywhere near me. Everything is North. There are 2 attorneys in the area but I imagine that would be pretty expensive. Do you have to pay for an advocate? My former 1on1 students mom had to get an advocate once and I swear she said the school district provided one, but I could be mistaken. Wherever the advocate came from I know she didnt pay anything. Just for "laughs" my husband added up all Seans medical bills and perscriptions from Jan-Aug and it was just under ten thousand dollars and that is just what he paid out of pocket. That outpatient program he went to averaged out to $900 for each 3 hour session.

[charliegirl]

If you want to PM me where you live, I'll see what I can do to find one.

There are organizations that do have free advocates who will come to where you are but I don't know if that is just for dealing with the school or for all meetings.

Its possible one of the ones that are a ways away from you has a satallite they come to periodically. It never hurts to call and ask.

If you have to get an attorney, no matter what you have to pay, it will be worth it in the end but the big if, is whether you can afford one. Maybe they would take payments.

I'll do whatever I can to help you find some help. I wish I could pay for an attorney for you. I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[jj]

I don't even know what to say but I feel so bad for you. I know another member on another site is going through much what you have and I feel so bad for her too. I doubt I could have taken it as long as you have, I don't know.....And I feel bad for Sean. He has things going on with him that I'm sure he doesn't understand. I don't know what caused him to be the way he is.

I hope you can find a advocate so you can get an IEP in place and perhaps that will make the stress in your life just a little less.

Anything I can do to help.....I'm here.

[misty]

KK, How I found out about advocates was from a friend who works with special ed. I suggest you call the special ed dept at your sons school (or a neighboring school if you don't want to tip them off) or if you have a school nearby for disabled kids call them. With my daughters school, just telling them I was thinking of getting an advocate made them speed things up.

[charliegirl]

I just PM'd you a link to your state DOE, the Sped division. It has a form and an address to send it to to request that they investigate why your school has refused to do anything.

I have a feeling that school will be falling all over themselves to help you out once the state gets involved.

[katiekat]

Thanks for all your help-I am getting tons of info. And Misty, one of my friends son attends a school for disabled kids so I'm going to see if she has the info-I dont want to call my school just yet.