Changing Schools

[lostmyshoe]

As some of you know, we have been going through a tough time with Becca at school. A clique in her school was really picking on her for a while and she's been very unhappy. She actually asked that we put her in a private school next year and we are really hoping not to have to go that route in 8th grade as she only has one more year in Middle School. After we talked to Guidance and some of her teachers, Becca has not been bothered by any of these kids lately. We are hoping that with the help of the staff and keeping some of the really nasty kids out of her classes that 8th grade will be better. We have decided that if 8th grade isn't good we will definitely think about putting her in a private high school. We are still going back and fourth with her about next year. It's a tough decision what exactly to do. I have also written a letter to the school board about bullying but am back and fourth about sending it. I am planning on sending it anonymously. My counselor thought it was a good letter and suggested sending it but I am hesitant. I want to make sure Becca has a good year and I also want to help other children that may be being bullied. In the letter I complimented the school and staff but suggested that they do more about bullying and I included websites with articles and resources about programs for schools on bullying today. The letter was aimed more toward the verbal and psychological type bullying because that seems to be the most prevalent and it's what Becca has been dealing with. Just wanted to run it by you all and see what you thought. Thanks so much for reading my post and for all the good advice and support you've always given me.

[charliegirl]

I'd love to read the letter. I think its a great idea.

I am really hoping to move so my son is in a different school district next year. I've done some reasearch and all the schools around us seem to do more for kids with LDs than ours so we wouldn't even have to move very far. There is one my cousin's son goes to and he went from failing to being an A student. He has maintained the grades for years now.

Sometimes a move is a good idea, so if Becca is still miserable next year, it might be time for a change. Is the Jr high going to have the same kids that she is with now?

[lostmyshoe]

Yes, unfortunately Becca is stuck with the same group all the way through High School. Our school system is a good school system when it comes to kids with LD's and I am so glad for that. I don't know what kind of program they have in place in the private school I'd be sending her too. My guess is that it wouldn't be as good and Becca would struggle academically. It's a shame because she does pretty well in school grade wise. It's socially that she seems to be having problems. There actually is an anti-bullying policy in place but Becca tells me that there are no assemblies or much said about bullying and I think that is what needs to be done. You can have all the anti-bullying policies in the world, but if nothing is done to back it up it is not effective. That's why I am sending the letter. I'll send a second post with the letter so you can read it. Thanks so much CG for responding to my post. If changing schools is what you need to do for your son I hope it works out for you.

[lostmyshoe]

Okay, here is the letter I wrote. It's kind of lengthy but I tried to cover everything. I appreciate any opinions good or bad. Thanks so much.



June 11, 2007


Dear Board of Education:

I'm writing this letter to you as a concerned parent about bullying that is going on in our school system. In elementary school the children have had lectures and assemblies on smoking, drugs, etc., but not as much on bullying, especially the verbal and psychological kind. Where it needs to be addressed the most is in Middle School and High School.

The Middle School years especially are the time when bullying is at the hightest point and this is where films, assemblies and implementing programs can be of help to the students and also the staff. Bullying has always existed but it seems that over the years it's only become worse because of a serious lack of empathy and care for others in our society today. That is where I think the school can be of help. I am aware of children that are being relentlessly bullied for years and also alienated. These are kids that are bright, intelligent people and have never given anyone a reason to bully them. They just become the unlucky target because they are not part of a clique. The students doing the bullying are very good at hiding this behavior so that teachers can't see what is really going on.

Even though it may not be obvious, the bullying is more prevalent then ever and kids are meaner then ever and this includes vulgar language. Much of this bullying is done by kids involved in cliques. Sometimes this verbal bullying and also the psychological games of alienation and humiliation can be worse then physical bullying. Being a target of bullying can cause permanent emotional and psychological damage to a person and sadly, sometimes can result in suicide because the victim feels completely hopeless. We see it in the news all the time.

Bullying can completely destroy one's self-image and it can take years of counseling to repair the damage. For this reason, I felt it imperative that I speak up for the sake of those young people that are being targeted daily and are also afraid to tell anyone. We need to find a way to reach the bullies and help them to realize the pain they are causing and the severity of what can result from it. We also especially need to help give support and solutions to the victims who many times are afraid to speak up about what they are going through.

I feel this is something that is truely needed more in our school system. I think we have a good school system here and a great staff, but even in the best schools bullying occurs and I think it is something that truely needs to be addressed more. I care about our young people and their futures and I know you do too, so please help to put an end to the bullying so future generations of students don't have to deal with this kind of cruel assault to their character and self esteem. Thank you.

Sincerely,
A Very Concerned Parent


Below is a list of information and resources that may be of interest to you.

www.bobsedulinks.com/downloads/Bullying%20Do%20Not%20Suffer%20in%20Silence.pdf

www.opheliaproject.org/main/index.htm

www.umainetoday.umaine.edu/Issues/v2i4/girlfight.html

www.ndsu.edu/ndsu/news/magazine/vol05_issue02/queen_bees.shtml

www.ncsmediation.com/articles/schoolgirl_bullies.html

www.marcoproducts.com/joey.html

Speakers & Programs

School Security and Safety
"Safeguarding our Children in an Educational Environment" - School Security and Access Control Reginald I. Duncan , Security Consultant Services (SCS) Tel: [phone]

Bullying Prevention
In Charge of Me! An amazing theatrical assembly program that will tour to your school concentrating on bullying, respect, and peer pressure. 732-458-6317

Implementing a School Wide Bullying Deterrent Program in Middle School
Tom Letson MA LPC CADC,
Bullystoppers.com

[katiekat]

Excellent letter Losty. I think the most important thing that you pointed out is how these kids are so good at hiding their bad behavior. Bullies are usually also very big sneaks. They are usually the so-called well behaved students who do well in school and are popular with both other kids and adults. When I worked in the middle school I had a lot more chances to see the kids in their true light as I was in the hallways and the lunchroom with them unlike the teachers. I saw a lot of foul things go on with the kids who were supposedly "good kids"-teachers and parents are completely in denial about the way these kids act when no adults are watching.

[kellyh]

Excellent letter!!! You gave them compliments which certainly attracts more flies than vinegar would and I would think that you provided some excellent links and contacts. You didn't finger point and brought up some excellent ideas. I really hope that they take the lead now and try to design some assemblies to address this in the coming school year. Great job!!!

[jj]

I agree, that is a well done letter. Very calmly written and pointing out your concerns. I pray they will take steps now to try to prevent this bullying.

[misty]

WONDERFUL letter, Losty! Oh I hope it makes them be more aware of bullying & address it with the students. If it doesn't get some action by itself then I'd contact other concerned parents in the district. Sometimes if letters come from more than one person, it gets quicker action. Theres strength in numbers.

[charliegirl]

You did a fantastic job on that letter. I know how tempting it is to make something like that personal but you avoided it and stuck to the issue. Kudos!

[unicorn]

Yes kudos to you for not making it personal! I do hope that the system addresses it for you over the summer and into next year. Our school put on a special PTA meeting this year about bullying and it was the highest attended PTA meeting for the year. And for the parents that couldn't attend, flyers were sent home from what was presented at PTA so everyone got the same information. We felt the need as parents and as a PTA organization that this was an important issue and one that was happening in our elementary school already and put it out there for everyone. Perhaps you could send your letter to your PTA President and see if she or he would address this next year at a meeting.