|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:27:49 GMT -5
misty Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts « Thread Started on Jul 3, 2006, 1:23am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps reverse the negative self-talk that torments many ADDers—and prevents them from reaching their goals. BY CARL SHERMAN, Ph.D. Most adults with ADD need medication, but that's not always enough. That's why many experts recommend meds and psychotherapy. But as Mark, a 30-something sales representative from New York City, discovered recently, not all forms of therapy work particularly well for ADD. ................... Read on: www.additudemag.com/medical.asp?DEPT_NO=506&SUB_NO=8 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- John« Reply #1 on Aug 7, 2006, 7:23pm » Looks like a Good site . . . Ya.Hoo more stuff to ADD to my Memory [Short & Long Term] ! peitaPosts: 6 Re: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts « Reply #2 on Aug 10, 2006, 1:08am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm going to try CBT next month. My psychiatrist recommended it for my OCD moreso though. I'll let you guys know if it's worth giving it a go anyway. John Re: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts « Reply #3 on Aug 14, 2006, 12:16pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Peita ~ I've been doing CBT for about 2 years & for me it's been fantastic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- misty Re: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts « Reply #4 on Aug 14, 2006, 3:37pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, TELL us about it John. I'd love to know more about it. What aspects are most helpful, where you would start with a child, etc. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- John Re: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts « Reply #5 on Aug 15, 2006, 1:48pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ummm, with a child, I'm not sure since that's not where I started nor have any knowledge/insight about. All I know is how it affected me and the results I've had. Now having said that, as with many/most people with ADhD, I have some co-existing issues that have hopped aboard the ADD train [ I like to paint 'word-pictures' that help me/others get a better idea of unfamiliar ideas & concepts]. Without going into detail at this time, some of the 'baggage' on the train with me are; Low-self esteem, guilt, anxiety, procrastination,and passive-aggressive[ which more accurately should be called Aggressive-Passivism]. You start out just talking about how you feel about some problem/conflict, which in marriage seem to be at an abundance somehow. Then the therapist [ mines name is Paula] asks something like, what were you feeling at the time, how did you feel later, how could you have handled the conflict differently, et cetera, et cetera. TO BE CONTINUED . . . misty« Reply #6 on Aug 16, 2006, 12:48am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks John. It sounds interesting. And helpful. I'm waiting for part 2. I just hate these cliffhangers! I imagine its easier to talk to someone you arent close to also. I have to say though, I think we must help your self-esteem issues here. You have to know you are much loved by all of us! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- John« Reply #7 on Aug 16, 2006, 12:15pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes Dawn, it is much eaiser to talk to someone that you don't really know, to me Paula is like an elderly Aunt that I can go to for advice [But I have to paY her, What's Up With ThaT ? LOV V V L !]. YES, YOU GUYS HAVE Boosted My SELF-ESTEEM ! ! ! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- misty« Reply #8 on Aug 17, 2006, 1:41am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aug 16, 2006, 12:15pm, John wrote:Yes Dawn, it is much eaiser to talk to someone that you don't really know, to me Paula is like an elderly Aunt that I can go to for advice [But I have to paY her, What's Up With ThaT ? LOV V V L !]. I don't know whats up with that, but I'm glad its helping. I'd love if you could tell us more. However much you are comfortable sharing. This subject interests me immensely. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lostmyshoe« Reply #9 on Aug 20, 2006, 9:38pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi All, The article was great and I am so glad for this thread because I am considering CBT for myself and my daughter. I am currently looking for books on doing it myself as my medical insurance won't cover something like that and my current psychologist who doesn't use CBT is covered. I've thought about asking my psychologist if he'd be willing to work with me on it but I'm not sure how to go about it as I don't want to be telling him what to do. So for now I am going to look into some books that I read about online and see how it goes from there. Always looking for more information on it so I hope to see more on this topic. Dee « Last Edit: Aug 20, 2006, 9:40pm by lostmyshoe » --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:28:57 GMT -5
John
« Reply #10 on Aug 30, 2006, 2:55pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dee, I'm reading a CBT book right now [well not Right now 'cause it's at home], I'll try to bring in the title tomorrow. I work at a college, so it may not be something very available to the general public.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lostmyshoe
« Reply #11 on Aug 30, 2006, 6:57pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sounds great! I can use all the information I can get. I haven't had a chance lately to look into it but it is definitely something I am very interested in. Especially when I do things like leave hot things on the stove or act too impulsively sometimes in situations. Thanks so much John. Dee
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John
« Reply #12 on Aug 31, 2006, 1:28pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I TOTALLY FORGOT till I got 'here' - ACK ! I'll have to e.mail myself !
John
« Reply #13 on Sept 1, 2006, 1:00pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I FORGOT AGAIN ! My BADDDD !
''I only forget with my Brain'' Unanimous
misty
« Reply #14 on Sept 1, 2006, 1:04pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John.....WRITE YOURSELF A NOTE! Just ask JJ if you need pointers on how to write yourself a reminder...shes a pro by now!
John
« Reply #15 on Sept 1, 2006, 1:15pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm up to my knees in NOTES ! If I can find them, them I can't fig ure out what 1/2 of them are for. Wed I was supposed to pick up Sean & friend from Soccer practice at 8pm. Kathy told me she'd be out until 8.30 that night. All I could focUS on was 8.30-8.30-8.30. At 8.15 I jump out of the couch, ''Oh No, I've got to pick up Sean & Taz 15 minutes AGO !
Then Wife #1 says, ''When you say you were FOCUSED on 8.30, that sounds like your using your ADD as an Xcuse''
Is it ? ~~~ Am I ?
misty
« Reply #16 on Sept 1, 2006, 1:19pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No...it sounds to me like you were hyperfocused.
I must say, John, I have NEVER heard you use your ADD as an excuse! If anything, I think you are the opposite. You blame yourself alot of times when I'm thinking its really your ADD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John
« Reply #17 on Sept 1, 2006, 1:32pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe she's CONfusing ''xcuse with a REASON''.
Than to make matters WORSE, the very nest day [yesterday], #1 Son went to a friends house just as I was getting home and asked if I could pick him up at 9pm. I said, ''I don't know what time it will be, I'll call you. Kathy & I went out [she meet me there] and I said when we were done. ''I'm gona run to GIiant Eagle [grocery store] and get a few things [ like Diet Coke for her]. This was about 8.50, at 9.20 she calls and asks, ''Where is Sean''. I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN about picking him up !!! PANIC-PANIC-PANIC ! >>>>>> yikes <<<<<<
jj
« Reply #18 on Sept 1, 2006, 4:26pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, John!!! I know exactly what you are going through. I know I say I "may" have ADD (denial??) but if I don't (and I think I do, LOL) then I am the most forgetful person in the state of NE. (I'll let you have your state, hee, hee)
You know I care about this site but do you know how many times I forgot to come to the chat or just meander on the site still totally obvious there is a chat going and that I should be there until I get a PM from Misty? Too many times! Barb, Misty and I have joked about how I could remember. Since one of the first things I do when I walk in my house is talk to my Mom, we joked I could "fix" her hair and attach post-it notes and tell her it is the latest look. Although, I laughed my butt of at this...it really isn't funny when you forget. It make you feel like you are so stupid.
Post it notes don't work for me at home either. Most of the time I am so forgetful that I'll read them and it is like Greek to me. No clue why I wrote it or what it says. For example: If it says "Pick up S" I'll look at it and think "Pick up sandwich bags, pick up salmon"?? When the note may really have meant "Pick up my sister because her car is in the shop". They just don't work.
I don't have any really good suggestions because I am battling this all the time. It can take me less than 15 seconds to totally forget about something. And I mean totally.
I can only advise you on what CG and other have recommended. To get a PDA and the very moment you find out you have to do something immediately enter it in and be very specific. Do not abbreviate or make it a short sentence. For example: I have to go pick up my sister (name) at her job at 10:00 on Septemember 1st because her car is in the shop".
If you don't have a PDA then I don't know what to tell you but I do know exactly what you are going through.
Those who think ADD is used as an excuse really need to think about what they are saying. That we purposely forget something because we are so selfish that we don't want to do it??? Really!!Is that why we feel like crap when we realize we forgot?
Hugs to you John. I wish I could be more help.
lostmyshoe
« Reply #19 on Sept 1, 2006, 6:37pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't even get my alphabet straight or keep a pair of shoes together to save my life. Have I ever been late to pick up my daughter because I almost completely forgot?. Of course. At least you didn't leave a pot on the stove in a vacation home for someone else to find in the nick of time. The house could have burnt down. Talk about feeling irresponsible. I couldn't stop kicking myself for that one. I've forgotten so many things I can't count them. Sorry you were having a bad spot there. Happens to everyone sometimes. Hang in there friend. Dee
Charlie Girl
« Reply #20 on Sept 1, 2006, 11:13pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sept 1, 2006, 1:15pm, John wrote:
Then Wife #1 says, ''When you say you were FOCUSED on 8.30, that sounds like your using your ADD as an Xcuse''
Is it ? ~~~ Am I ?
John, how many wives do you have? I though it was only legal to have one, so why did you need to number her?
Why don't you ask wife #1 if you can do her hair up with post it notes like JJ did with her mom? The trick is to convince her its the latest fashion for 'doos.
I forget important stuff all the time. I mean all the time, so if I don't have ADHD, I just have a very lazy brain.
John
« Reply #21 on Sept 5, 2006, 12:03pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
''Do her hair up in post-it notes'', Hmmm, that sounds intriguing . . .
Well I have Son #1, Daughter #1 so why not WIfe #1 ? {IE: I only have 1 of each}
John
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barb, remember ~~~ ''OUR BRAIN IS WHAT WE FORGET WITH''
Charlie Girl
« Reply #23 on Sept 5, 2006, 12:59pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sept 5, 2006, 12:05pm, John wrote:Barb, remember ~~~ ''OUR BRAIN IS WHAT WE FORGET WITH''
Forget what? Why are you telling me this? I totally forgot what you must be referring to.
John
« Reply #24 on Sept 7, 2006, 12:35pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I remembered what I forgot { I think }
!
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:31:14 GMT -5
leigh« Reply #25 on Sept 13, 2006, 9:31am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay.......I see this topic was started long while back, but HEY....I did eventually find it and read it. I was diagnosed ADHD (actually, it was called "hyperkinetic") almost 35 years ago as a kid. OMG! I just read that back, and it made me feel really old. Anyway, I do not take medication for it. It still affects me in a HUGE way, and having an ADHD child makes it more stressful at times. Who am I kidding? It makes it more stressful every day. Anyway, I just clicked on the link to the article on Cognative Behavioral Therapy. Hmmmm. Actually, what I did was browsed it, copied it and saved it as a file to read when my thoughts aren't racing. My mind can be all over the place, and even as much as I want to kick back and read the article start to finish and really soak it in, I have to wait for that. See......as I was reading the article, my mind started going in ADD/ADHD mode, and I started thinking about replying to it and thinking about seeing what other articles were on that site and thinking about checking e-mail and thinking about the fact that I need to do the dishes and straighten up the kitchen table (which looks cluttered at the moment with my kids' school papers. I can't think if there's clutter around me. My brain is cluttered enough. I can't have it in my house. Oh my gosh! Reading that back makes me feel like a mental case! Truth is, though, my mind really does race like that. So......I'll read that article in full soon! Glad to know applying that stuff has helped you guys. Was it John who said that? Anyway, I'm thrilled to have that to read.
John« Reply #26 on Sept 13, 2006, 1:43pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Leigh ! Your description of our {ADDr} minds is very accurate . . . someone else described it as having a Racecar mind with no brakes {at least we have a steering wheel - we have a steering wheel , don't WE ?} Word pictures work great for me, some ppl need words to get an idea of what the heck we mean, but I think it's to limiting for such an abstract concept that we're trying to xplain. John« Reply #27 on Sept 20, 2006, 12:53pm » leigh« Reply #28 on Sept 23, 2006, 8:32pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Forgot about having posted in this thread. LOL!!!!!! Sept 13, 2006, 1:43pm, John wrote:  Leigh ! Your description of our {ADDr} minds is very accurate . . . someone else described it as having a Racecar mind with no brakes at least we have a steering wheel - we have a steering wheel , don't WE ?Word pictures work great for me, some ppl need words to get an idea of what the heck we mean, but I think it's to limiting for such an abstract concept that we're trying to xplain. Well.........my steering wheel is a bit loose. LOL! countrygirl « Reply #29 on Sept 25, 2006, 7:24am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I swear it took me 10 minutes to remember how to reply to this. reply looks way different than the other choices. Anyway, CBT, forgetfulness and clutter... Yes I'm in therapy now and it is really helping. It helps me see other ways to think of things, removes me personally from situations and allows me to think logically (logic & I are an odd couple). It helps me find other ways to deal with little problems. (For some reason I'm great in a crisis, level, and lead others - but let me gain a pound or have my plans get changed - AHHHH CRISIS!) Which pretty much means everyday life can be a crisis for me. for forgetfulness - I have a T-Mobile Sidekick. Awesome little toy. Only 1 thing to keep up with. It is my cell phone, my schedule, my appointment keeper, my email, my internet connection, my list keeper (I'm big on making lists - I even make lists of lists I need to make) I always have my shopping list with me, my organizer, and my best friend (uh, non-human friend) I'd be lost without it. I would love to have the new Sidekick III because they have added a ipod to it! Clutter around me makes my mind cluttered. I have to have a schedule, list or something here or I am overwhelmed and panic. I have to have order in my home because there is no order in my head. Right now, my house is behind and it's driving me nuts. I am learning (CBT) to get my worst chore out of the way first. That helps so much! leigh« Reply #30 on Sept 25, 2006, 6:26pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey there, CG! If you read this anytime soon, I would LOVE to know a couple of tips you've gotten about "other ways of thinking." I'm a list fanatic, too. Oh.....what you said about clutter being around you makes your mind cluttered......that's totally me!!! I'm not kidding. If I walk in my kitchen and see open cabinet doors, food wrappers on the counters, books on the table, drawers open, dishes in the sink......my mood will INSTANTLY change. I'll feel so overwhelmed that I'm irritated and can do NOTHING else until things are cleared up. Hey.....and here's a weird little fact about me. If I'm in a bad mood (I mean REALLY upset about something), I will go on a cleaning frenzy in my house like you've never seen. It's like tornado-speed cleaning. At least it's constructive. lostmyshoe« Reply #31 on Sept 25, 2006, 9:04pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Country Girl, You are doing CBT? If there is a really good book that you know of, please do let me know. I am not sure which one to buy. I checked my insurance and there the psychologists that I would be interested in don't work with it. My current psychologist doesn't but would be willing to work with me, but I have to get the info. together and just haven't had a chance to do that yet. I am very unorganized and I am hoping it will help me in that area especially. If you have any advice on materials I can purchase, I'd appreciate it so much. Leigh, oh my gosh, I do the same thing as you. When I am mad about something, I frantically clean and it seems to help. Clutter depresses me and I get that overwhelmed feeling too. I am currently ripping my house apart from top to bottom now that I only have one job. It was so hard with two. I feel so much better with a clean organized home. Dee countrygirl« Reply #32 on Sept 25, 2006, 10:45pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't know any books about it. My Psychotherapist is helping me with it. I go once a month right now but may go every week during the holidays. Basically it is just retraining your thoughts using reinforcers. My biggest reinforcer is a peace of mind because I get so anxious. My trick is pretending I am Sergeant Friday from Dragnet and say to myself, "Just the facts, ma'm, just the facts." This allows me to serperate the facts from fiction and then I am able to deal with the facts. For example: I will not die of embarrassment if the kitchen floor does not get mopped before my mother in law arrives. I may feel uncomfortable , but I won't die. Right now I may just distract her by talking to her and keeping her focus off my floor, but my ultimate goal is to not let it bother me at all if I am unable to get to it. You use whatever works for you - Some people use words like STOP. Doesn't matter what it is. When I have visual thoughts I have been given two gifts - One is a picture of a Warrior Woman (Pieta gave it to me) It helps me feel strong when I need it and gives me courage. The other is a gift from Poodledoodles. She once said a prayer for me that everytime I would see a butterfly I would know there were those who love me. Now everytime I see a butterfly, I think of her and feel all warm and fuzzy. One of the best gifts I have ever received. I'll have to go back for specifics. I know with housework & work I do the worst job on the list first. This makes me feel successful and I get much more accomplished. I'll look for my notes and get back to you. Anything specific? jj« Reply #33 on Sept 26, 2006, 12:55am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sept 25, 2006, 6:26pm, leigh wrote:Hey there, CG! If you read this anytime soon, I would LOVE to know a couple of tips you've gotten about "other ways of thinking." I'm a list fanatic, too. Oh.....what you said about clutter being around you makes your mind cluttered......that's totally me!!! I'm not kidding. If I walk in my kitchen and see open cabinet doors, food wrappers on the counters, books on the table, drawers open, dishes in the sink......my mood will INSTANTLY change. I'll feel so overwhelmed that I'm irritated and can do NOTHING else until things are cleared up. Hey.....and here's a weird little fact about me. If I'm in a bad mood (I mean REALLY upset about something), I will go on a cleaning frenzy in my house like you've never seen. It's like tornado-speed cleaning. At least it's constructive. I am the same way about clutter - I think everyone knows that about me by now I complain about it enough. It makes me nuts. I don't understand why someone can't shut a cabinet door. Grrrrr!! Just like you Leigh, I am instantly in a foul mood!! I too clean but not at tornado speed (at least I don't think I do)and only when I'm angry. If I am upset, as in hurt feelings, I don't do anything but obsess about what ever the situation is. Can't clean or do anything. I may attempt to clean or do something constructive but I just end up going in circles. I am so grateful I don't hit the fridge like many people do when they are angry or upset. LOL jj« Reply #34 on Sept 26, 2006, 12:57am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When I said "hit the fridge" I didn't mean physically hit it but meant eat everything inside it. misty« Reply #35 on Sept 26, 2006, 9:41am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sept 26, 2006, 12:57am, jj wrote: When I said "hit the fridge" I didn't mean physically hit it but meant eat everything inside it. I think we knew that, JJ
lostmyshoe« Reply #36 on Sept 26, 2006, 10:36am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unfortunately for me, I "do" hit the fridge sometimes when I am upset and what I hit it with is my mouth, LOL. I get kind of immobilized too at times and kind of freeze up and can't do anything. I know that feeling. Country Girl, thanks so much for the reply. I love some of the examples you gave me. I get that anxiety sometimes too and I have to discern what is real and what is just feelings. I really like the "Just the Facts Ma'm, Just the facts". Some of the areas including that one that I struggle with are disorganization, patience and impulse control( losing my temper too quickly over stupid things). Also, my daughter really pushes my buttons sometimes. If I could overcome just those few little bugs I'll be perfect, LOL. Just kiddin, but it sure would help. Thanks so much for your suggestions. I appreciate it so much. Dee leigh« Reply #37 on Sept 26, 2006, 1:28pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sept 26, 2006, 9:41am, misty wrote: Sept 26, 2006, 12:57am, jj wrote: When I said "hit the fridge" I didn't mean physically hit it but meant eat everything inside it. I think we knew that, JJ Oh my GOSH! Would you believe I'm probably the only one here who read JJ's comment and actually took it as literally "hitting the fridge." I was reading that and thinking, "Hmmm. What an odd thing to be grateful for. How many people hit their refrigerators???" ................. This has been another "Blond Moment" brought to you by Leigh. BTW....JJ. Just like you (no surprise), I can't get anything done when I'm upset (as in hurt feelings or worried). I, too, will just walk circles in the house and accomplish nothing at all. CG.......thanks for the tips. I may have to try some things like that. Love your butterfly story. I think I can remember Poodledoodles posting that to you on the other board. countrygirl« Reply #38 on Sept 26, 2006, 9:57pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sept 26, 2006, 1:28pm, leigh wrote: Sept 26, 2006, 9:41am, misty wrote: I think we knew that, JJ Oh my GOSH! Would you believe I'm probably the only one here who read JJ's comment and actually took it as literally "hitting the fridge." I was reading that and thinking, "Hmmm. What an odd thing to be grateful for. How many people hit their refrigerators???" ................. This has been another "Blond Moment" brought to you by Leigh. BTW....JJ. Just like you (no surprise), I can't get anything done when I'm upset (as in hurt feelings or worried). I, too, will just walk circles in the house and accomplish nothing at all. CG.......thanks for the tips. I may have to try some things like that. Love your butterfly story. I think I can remember Poodledoodles posting that to you on the other board. No your not, Leigh. I pictured her punching the fridge. I was thinking she should try a pillow, easier on the hands. John« Reply #39 on Sept 27, 2006, 12:36pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dee, I too tend to become immobilized, usually when confronted with a emotionally uncomfortable situation . . . My thought process will ''Freeze'' up { Stay away from the 'FRIG ! } and/or go into a RETREAT mode . . . I usually don't 'Hit the 'Fridge', it's more likely a bag of SunChips ! YUMMY ~ LOL John« Reply #40 on Sept 27, 2006, 2:55pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DEE ! I finally did it ! Here' the book I mentioned A WHILE back . . .''Learning Cognitive-Behavior Therapy: an Illustrated Guide'' the authors are 'Wright,Basco & Thase'. It cost a FEW Bucks, you can find it on 'amozon' starting at 45$. You can also go to www.about.com and type in 'Cognitive Behavior Therapy', they have some good stuff and also have a link to Amazon & other books. lostmyshoe« Reply #41 on Sept 27, 2006, 8:11pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks so much John! I really appreciate that. I'm going to check it out and when I get it I am going to share it with our family psychologist. Headin to the check it out now. John « Reply #42 on Sept 29, 2006, 1:20pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dee ~ FYI This is not a book that you can ''breeze'' through, it's not even a ''self-help'' type of book. It's actually geared to therapists in training, but I am really getting a lot out of it.
lostmyshoe
« Reply #43 on Sept 29, 2006, 7:52pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the FYI John. I will be sharing it with my therapist who is willing to work with me on it. We have talked about it, so I think it will work out great. Thanks so much for telling me about it and please do keeping posting and let me know of your own success with it. Have a wonderful Saturday! Dee(aka Losty)
John
« Reply #44 on Oct 1, 2006, 10:44pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
gald, errgh, Glad I could help Dee.
John
« Reply #45 on Oct 8, 2006, 11:31am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK, here's more of the ''To be continued'' . . .
Last week I was talking to my therapist, wewere talking about me being unable/unwilling/afraid to face any anger issues. Kathy will make demands on me and I'll unable to say to her no, that makes me feel that you . . . or that makes me angery that you would say that . . . or I feel that you are not considering how that makes me feel . . . you get the Idea.
Then Paula [therapist] says I think your afraid of expressing your own anger ~ and BaM ! I just started crying . . .
Whoa, i didn't see that coming . . . She explained to me that as a child, I had no control over all the stuff that happened to me and I was angry about it. Since I couldn't verbalise it I had to bury it inside . . . and I was afraid [and still am] that if I express it, two things will happen. I will either destroy everyone or I'll be destroyed.
So the fear I have is contained behind a huge thick wall, like a dam, and when Paula started talking about me being afraid of my anger, a small crack apeared in the dam . . .
I told her I saw my anger like a bridge that ended in the middle and I would fall off if I went that way . . .
So NOW I have to figure out HOW to express anger in a healthy way . . . anger in and of itself is not wrong, only uncontrlled anger is unhealthy. I guess i've never seen controlled anger only uncontrolled. So I have no idea how to carry this out . . . baby step-baby steps
To me anger is bad, dangerous, to be avoided, & scary. How can there be such a thing as healthy or good anger . . . it does not compute . . .
leigh
« Reply #46 on Oct 9, 2006, 8:16am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What a breakthrough for you, John. I don't know about you, but when something makes me cry like that, it feels like a serious load OFF my shoulders (at least temporarily). I totally understand what you mean about feeling anger is "bad" and "dangerous." I've seen that in my past! I have my own issues with it, too. I don't know how to have "healthy" anger. That confuses me! LOL!!!!! I suppose FIRMLY standing up for yourself and letting your feelings be known without screaming or getting physical is what this therapist (and MOST therapists) mean. Perhaps the point is to get your feelings out in the open and being able to walk away from it calmly, knowing you didn't disappoint yourself by holding it in and feeling like a pushover. I don't know. I have to work on lowering my volume when I'm angry. I don't hold that in too much (verbally). LOL! I think we may be opposites in that way, but I relate to your concerns. I'm glad you had a good cry. To me......that's progress!
Wouldn't it be wonderful to sit down and write on a piece of paper the childhood experiences we'd like to just erase from our past......toss the paper in the fire........and poof! Bad memories gone!
Charlie Girl
« Reply #47 on Oct 9, 2006, 12:54pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think Leigh is right John. Healthy anger is recognizing the wrong and dealing with it in a constructive manner. You don't have to bottle it up inside you. That isn't healthy.
It sounds like your therapist is really good. I'm sure she will help you figure out how to do that, then you can teach the rest of us.
John
« Reply #48 on Oct 9, 2006, 1:17pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is/will be hard for me to wrap my mind around this one . . . As Paula said, my anger isn't like alot of people, when something happens and they get angry, and then later something else happens and they fell angry, and it piles up on them and they explode. Mine is safely [but unhealthly] thrown into the deep lake that I've consruted behind the darn of my emoitions.
So I live behind this pseudo-intellectial [sp!] mask where feelings & emotions have no [or little] importance . . . I can control these things, but not my feelings . . .
misty
« Reply #49 on Oct 9, 2006, 1:38pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sounds like you've really built quite the defense mechanism there John. I think I'm the opposite. I tell people EXACTLY how I feel. If I'm mad at you, you KNOW it! Its hard to fight with my husband because hes the "Let me cool down awhile & then we'll talk" type whereas I'm the "I'm MAD & heres why, lets yell & get it over with" type.
I like to get my feelings out & then get past them.
I think once your therapist gets to the bottom of your lake with her scuba gear, you better have a LOT of kleenex because you're going to have things resurface that you have forgotten were even there. BUT after its all over, you'll feel cleansed & hopefully will have learned some new ways to deal with feelings for the future.
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:33:20 GMT -5
lostmyshoe« Reply #50 on Oct 9, 2006, 9:12pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It seems to be that lots of people are either one way or the other. Some unable to control the outward expression of anger(me) and others that keep it inside. The happy medium is the best place to be in my opinion and I sure wish I could stay there. I think it was good that this subject was opened up John because I need work too in this area. I think the next time I see my therapist this is something I need to talk about as I blew up at my daughter today and am feeling really bad. She took the phone and hid it because she didn't want to answer her girlfriends call. I got angry because there could have been an emergency and someone may have needed to get through. I don't know what it is about the phone, but I get very angry when my daughter refuses to answer it or plays games with it. Today I was just over the top and I feel horrible. I explode too easy and can't contain my anger. I have the complete opposite problem. It's horrible and I pray that some day I will learn not to raise my voice anymore except in song. So sad today and disappointed in myself. I think counseling is the best thing you can do for yourself and baby steps sometimes is the only way you can do it. Sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction John. Keeping you and your situation in my prayers and anyone else here that is dealing with this issue. Dee John« Reply #51 on Oct 9, 2006, 10:23pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oct 9, 2006, 1:38pm, misty wrote:Sounds like you've really built quite the defense mechanism there John. I think once your therapist gets to the bottom of your lake with her scuba gear, you better have a LOT of kleenex because you're going to have things resurface . Dawn, that's a GREAT ANALOGY ! and you know how i LOVE my anologies ----LOL John« Reply #52 on Oct 9, 2006, 10:47pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dee, Sorry for the bad day you had . . . I think counseling would be helpful for you also . . . it's kinda like seeing a chiropractor for your mind . . . LOL ! John« Reply #53 on Oct 10, 2006, 11:09pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ToBeContinued : Well today we talked some more about anger and some of the things it means to me . . . Talked about Feeling Angry & Expressing Anger & What Makes you Angry. Explosive Anger is an "Anger Action'' Anger needs to be [felt] verbalized, either Internally or xternally. When there is Explosive Anger, it makes the person who is doing it, feel better temporally . Everyone around them is in the 'fallout' and has to deal with ''their'' anger now. The whole 'get it all out of your system'' concept sounds good, but actually has the ''opposite'' effect on all parties involved. The feeling of 'explosive anger' actually, blots out or shuts down the rational control section of your mind. Hence the phrase, ''He was out of his mind with anger''. The goal is to be able to express what made you angry, and be in control of your ''feelings'' of anger. Anger is just a ''feeling'', we can express it in a Uncontrollable way or a Controllable way. The two extremes are to 'Bury' the feeling of anger or let them ' rage' uncontrollable, neither is healthy for the person doing them or the people in their live. misty« Reply #54 on Oct 10, 2006, 11:21pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oct 10, 2006, 11:09pm, John wrote:The feeling of 'explosive anger' actually, blots out or shuts down the rational control section of your mind. Hence the phrase, ''He was out of his mind with anger''. . Thats True...thats so true! I've actually been so angry with someone (well....with my husband actually) that while I was screaming at him a little voice in the back of my mind was saying "This is not right. Thats MEAN. I should stop saying these things". But I couldnt stop. It was horrible. Its NOT always good to "let it all out" . Its better to think things through & try to be calm. But sometimes thats just impossible to do. When you're really mad & someone is arguing with you, how do you just stop & think things through? I can't. I NEED to explode sometimes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well Dr John, you make a good shrink. I am guilty of both extremes. You mean there actually is something in the middle? LOL I can't wait for your next appointment so you can tell me how I am supposed to deal with anger. Geesh, I didn't know I had such a problem until you pointed it out. I really do tend to react one way or the other. jj« Reply #56 on Oct 11, 2006, 12:19am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm very interested in this too. You guys know I vent to you about my sister but I avoid or try to avoid confrontations with her at all costs. She is just too volatile. So I am the avoider with her but any one else including X's I had no problem talking about what was bothering me. Honestly, I think if one has great communication with someone (an adult) then reaching the anger point would be rare in my opinion. So I will be reading this thread hoping I can pick up some pointers in dealing with my sis. Thanks John. John« Reply #57 on Oct 11, 2006, 11:30am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm so GLAD I can help you guys [ and anyone else too] While I'm Helping myself ! I think Way TOO MANY couples fall into the habit/trap/cycle of letting their anger escalate [sp] AND then XPLODE ~ Out of Control . . . The Goal I believe, is to ''EXPRESS what makes you Angry'', BEFORE the FEELING's of Anger taking over . . . Once the Feelings TAKE over, and they quite literally do, then the other person [spouse] SHOULD say, ''I see your very upset now, and I know you want to express it, would it be possible to do it in a less stressful way ? '' This is one way Mature Adults might 'Defuse the Anger' Before things get out of control . . . In a way we are teaching our children This Is The Way to handle our Anger . . . Explode. This will be the pattern they will use in their marriage . . . « Reply #58 on Oct 11, 2006, 11:49am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oct 11, 2006, 11:30am, John wrote: In a way we are teaching our children This Is The Way to handle our Anger . . . Explode. This will be the pattern they will use in their marriage . . . YES! And THATS the scary thing! I agree we need to break the cycle so Our kids dont go through the exact issues we are. leigh« Reply #59 on Oct 11, 2006, 1:49pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh boy, have I ever become involved in this thread!!! Misty and Lostmyshoe, I relate so well to what you said have been your experiences and feelings about your anger. And JJ.....I relate to that avoidance thing, too (in some circumstances). I worry about my kids all the time....the kinds of adults they will be.....the way they will act with their wives and children. A lot has been going on here lately, and I've struggled with it. Some of it I wonder how much I'm to blame. My sister and I just (10 minutes ago) finished a phone conversation about some of my concerns. I've been to therapy before. I've read enough books to write one of my own.....LOL....but SOME things seem to just get such a strong-hold over us. Anyway, this is a great thread. John« Reply #60 on Oct 11, 2006, 2:51pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And to do that Dawn, you need to ''see'' the signs of your anger creeping up on you and Defuse it BEFORE it reaches the Boiling Over Point [or B.O.P. as we like to call it] other wise you'll end up repeating the same negative process over & over again, wondering why NO ONE LISTENS TO YOU ! Sometimes our 'Automatic Thoughts' lead to Negative Emotions . . . we need to Stop and examine these emotions and say '' Is this true'', ''Is this a real fact about . . . . . . . ''. These are Skills & Tools that we [ME !] need to learn, to get past our destructive ways of THINKING = FEELING. The way you Think can lead to the way you Feel . . . lostmyshoe« Reply #61 on Oct 11, 2006, 7:27pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- John, I think I need a neon sign sometimes, LOL. Sometimes my daughter springs things on me that I am not expecting and I blow up. That seems to be a problem area for me also. Today her cousin and girlfriend hopped off of the bus with her and decided to come over without telling me or the other parents in advance. I got pretty hot but at least I didn't explode because there were other people there. I had a talk with the girls about how the responsible thing would have been to let people know in advance what they were planning so no one worries when someone doesn't arrive home on time. It's things like that that really get me angry sometimes. It seems I have to learn to handle it better when things are sprung on me that I am not expecting. Any advice is so much appreciated. Pass me the tools please, John. Dee John« Reply #62 on Oct 12, 2006, 10:34am » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dee, from the little I know I'd say . . . These are two area's that concern you and cause you to to feel anger/fear/stress. When things are: 1. Unexpected 2. Unplanned So you need to THINK about what you FEEL when something Unexpected/Unplanned happens to you . . . What is a Different way you can think about the situation when it happened OR happens again . . . What do you think made/makes you angry beside the Action (the unexpection) itself . . . Dee, This is something that should be explored more fully by a professional therapist to fully understand all the complex issues that are involved in Anger issues. John« Reply #63 on Oct 12, 2006, 12:06pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fava and Rosenbaum have conducted a number of studies on the prevalence of anger attacks in different depressive and anxiety disorders. The main conclusion of these ongoing studies is that 30 to 40 percent of depressed people experience anger attacks. Research participants without depressive or anxiety disorders did not experience anger attacks at all. In a study by RA Gould, et al, slightly over 30 percent of subjects with panic disorder experienced anger attacks. The same prevalence was found in other anxiety disorders. The Gould study also found that anxious participants who experienced anger attacks were also more likely to be more depressed than anxious participants who did not experience anger attacks. It may be concluded, then, that if you experience anger attacks you are at greater risk of depression than people who do not experience anger attacks. Get more at www.about.com goto :search, type is 'anger attacks'' and goto the 3rd 'could your panic be anger'' result. I'm sure their's an easier way to go to it but I gave up after trying for 20 minutes. Charlie Girl « Reply #64 on Oct 12, 2006, 1:46pm » -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- panicdisorder.about.com/cs/pdbeyond/a/angerattacks_2.htmThis is the direct link.
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:33:55 GMT -5
John
Re: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts
« Reply #65 on Oct 12, 2006, 2:25pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks Barb !
John
« Reply #66 on Oct 13, 2006, 2:03pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barb, what did you think of the article . . .
I hope you didn't get angrY when you read it ~ LOL
« Reply #67 on Oct 13, 2006, 5:16pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Actually John, I didn't read it yet. I had a few things I was planning to do and I'm still procrastinating over them, but I had planned to get them done and come back to it. I am almost finished though, so I will soon.
If I get angry when I read it, you will hear me clear over where you live!
lostmyshoe
« Reply #68 on Oct 13, 2006, 8:23pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks so much John for your reply. Actually, I have suffered from depression at certain times in my life when something major occurred. I have also at those times taken an anti-depressent which always helped. I always seem to be able to pull myself out of it though. Currently, there is nothing really in my life to cause me depression but I agree I need to explore the reasons for my anger and preventative measures in those situations that seem to prompt it. I haven't had a chance to read the article but I will read it asap. Thanks also CG for the direct link. Dee
John
« Reply #69 on Oct 14, 2006, 3:58pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dee, glad I could help you with that information . . . It's interesting how when I'm helping other people, I end up getting so much in return . . .Calling someones anger explosions a 'anger attack' is very eye opening to say the least !
Depression for me has been such an underling current to so much of my life, most of the time I'm not consciously aware if it.
lostmyshoe
« Reply #70 on Oct 15, 2006, 7:50pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John, I know what you mean about not always being aware of it. I think only having the one job is a bit of a change for me and though it has been positive and necessary for me I think unconsciously I may actually be alittle upset about it. I've worked more then one job for so long, I've had to adjust to having some free time and I sometimes I feel guilty on weeks that I don't have as much work, that I should be working. I've been using the free time to get my house back in order but I still feel some guilt. That is something I definitely need to talk over with my psychologist. For me, it seems the busier I am, the less time I have to be depressed. Depression is something that has shadowed my life too and something I work hard to overcome and I am so glad I have friends like you and everyone here that may recognize things that I don't even notice myself. Thanks so much for your advice and support. You all are terrific here.
John
« Reply #71 on Oct 16, 2006, 12:27pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dee, something I learned/heared somewhere about ''guilty'' feelings . . . Sometimes we ARE guilty, sometimes we're NOT guilty and sometimes we feel guilty when were not.
Feelings of guilt (I can't believe you brought this up, 'cause I have the same PROBLEM !) for me, are caused (I believe) by my childhood. For most children when bad things happen to them, they Automatically think, ''What did I DO to cause this?'' They then 'carry'' around with them the rest of their life, this underlying feelings of 'unhealthy' guilt. In the past when DW had a ''ANGER ATTACK'', I would go into the ''automatic thinking'' mode of ''Uh oh, what did I do now ~ it's all my fault ~ if I would just be better at . . . . . . . . . ''.
It can be kinda over whelming at times when you see how many 'issues' we have are so Intertwined . . . . . Ack !
Never forget ~ There is HOPE ! I've come a LONG WAY in just 2 1/2 -(LOL) of therapy and I feel hopeful about myself and how I can handle stressful situations without the 'auto-matic' thought taking over and controlling me ~
misty
« Reply #72 on Oct 16, 2006, 12:41pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I find this all extremely interesting. I'm not like this at all.....When DH gets angry, or an "Anger attack", as you put it, I think "I dont deserve to be treated this way. Why are you so mad"
i never feel guilty. I put all the blame right on him. I DO feel guilty when I get angry & lash out, but never when he does. I tell him when he can act like an adult & speak to me calmly I'll listen, but until then he'll be yelling to himself because I refuse to be treated that way.
John
« Reply #73 on Oct 16, 2006, 2:37pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oct 16, 2006, 12:41pm, misty wrote:
I tell him when he can act like an adult & speak to me calmly I'll listen, but until then he'll be yelling to himself because I refuse to be treated that way.
Dawn > You are handling it the Healthy Way ! For me there have /are so many hurdles in the way, but I am s l o w l y learning how to handle them . . . I am starting to be become a healthy person . . .
lostmyshoe
« Reply #74 on Oct 17, 2006, 4:42am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John, the guilt issue is something I've always had to work on. It was a dynamic that was passed on from my Grandmother to my Mom and now I'm trying not to pass that on to my own daughter. I try as much as I can to stay positive and upbeat but I was brought up in a family with some negativity going on that is something that has been passed on from generation to generation. I also think the ADD has been around for a long time. I've had some obstacles to overcome but I am determined to change bad tapes and replace them all with good ones and to be healthy in mind and body. The first step was to accept that I had things I needed to work on and I think I've come a long way from where I was, but I'll never stop working on improving. I am so thankful for all the support of the good friends I have and my family. Well, better see if I can go get some sleep. It's going to be a loooong day today.
John
« Reply #75 on Oct 17, 2006, 12:47pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dee, hope you got enough sleep (FYI ~ Don't stay up SO LATE ~ LOL)
I think your right about the ''Acceptance'' factor . . . Many people have difficulty accepting they have any Problems, let alone ones with the Label >>> ''Mental Disorder'' <<< {I think EVERYONE has some type of 'MentalDisorder' just because of the sin nature of the Human Race, but that's another story- 'Smirk' !}
AND I'm sure you are correct, that we need to Keep working on our prob's . . . They might [but I'm no polymath here] even be a live long struggle/battle. In a way I think that can be a good thing. WHY you ask {and I'm glad you did} would this be a good thing for me/you/us . . . ONE ~it keeps us [me] looking to God for help, TWO~ it keeps us[ME] humble, THREE~ it helps us remember all the other people out there [and in our lives] who need help too.
Quote:I try to stay positive and upbeat
can be helpful for many people, but I've Never been able to accomplish that ! For mee it was like telling a starving person to look at picture of food and wondering why he wasn't satisfied -LOL ! That's just me and my Wonky View on Life . . .
jj
« Reply #76 on Oct 17, 2006, 1:23pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oct 17, 2006, 12:47pm, John wrote:{I think EVERYONE has some type of 'MentalDisorder' just because of the sin nature of the Human Race, but that's another story- 'Smirk' !}
Quote:I try to stay positive and upbeat
can be helpful for many people, but I've Never been able to accomplish that ! For mee it was like telling a starving person to look at picture of food and wondering why he wasn't satisfied -LOL ! That's just me and my Wonky View on Life . . .
John, I have always said something very similar.....that if they were to "evaluate" every single human they would find out there is no such thing as "normal". I honestly believe that. I think each of us would end up with some sort of label such a Learning Disability, a phobia, a obsession, etc...
One thing I know is so important is to surround yourself with optimistic and happy friends. My whole family for the most part is upbeat and laughing all the time. Not too long ago I happened to make friends with a gal who is negative about everything and guess what? I started really getting on the negative road and when another friend said, "You are starting to sound like (Lisa - not her real name)" I decided I needed to slowly end my friendship with this person. My optimism obviously was not rubbing of on her and it just isn't a healthy friendship. I feel for her that she is so negative all the time and maybe I should point it out to her before I write her off. Hmmmm....
This is really a very interesting topic.
Charlie Girl
« Reply #77 on Oct 17, 2006, 2:10pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you feel that she is open to criticism JJ, you should point it out to her. You can tell her point blank that you can't see much of her because she brings you down, then offer to help her with the things that she is so negative about.
It may only be one thing that you can help her with at first, but if she sees that she can control something in her life, it may be the impetus she needs to start looking at the rest more realistically.
I used to complain about everything and always saw the darkest side of even the brightest star. I thought everyone's lives were so much better than mine and that most people had these lives where only the rare bad thing occurred. Granted, I have seen a lot that a child shouldn't have to see, but it was an eye opener to me to find that every person living had some really rotten things happen in their lives.
I still feel overwhelmed at times by things that I either can't control or can't figure out a good solution for. I've learned to vent to someone who understands me and then leave it behind until I can deal with it. Your friend can too if she really wants to.
The difference was they dwelt on what they could do about it instead of letting it keep them in the pits. They moved on, where I blamed them for my failure. They were responsible in part for my failures but only because I let them get in the way and didn't do anything about them.
I could write a book but it would be very boring. I think you get the picture. Maybe your friend is crying out for help and really does want to know how she can make her life better.
If you offer and she turns you down, you know you tried to help her. If she takes you up on it, you may be able to help her learn that its ok to be happy and in control.
jj
« Reply #78 on Oct 17, 2006, 4:28pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I reread my post and I sound so mean. I can't just "write her off" like I said. I'm embarassed I even used those words.
Charliegirl, I was thinking on those same lines. I do need to talk to her and maybe I can make a pact with her that we correct each other when we say something negative. What opened my eyes was when my other friend told me I sounded like my negative friend...otherwise I may have just started getting more negative and more negative. So hopefully, if I bring it to her attention she will start catching herself as I am now and we can continue to be friends.
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:34:30 GMT -5
« Reply #79 on Oct 17, 2006, 9:11pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, I think maybe we should change the topic title of this thread to The Longest Thread, LOL. It really has turned out to be a thread that is part of a silver lining though. I can relate to so many things everyone has said. I have been that negative person myself. It took more then one friend to finally get through to me and really let me see in the mirror what a negative person I can be. I grew up with negativity but like you said CG, you have to leave blame where it is and move on. JJ, good luck with your friend and I can't ever imagine you being mean. It's understandable to back away from someone that is not healthy for you to be around. CG summed it all up perfectly. You may not be able to be close friends like before but maybe you can help her in some way to realize how she comes across. A good friend of mine helped me out a great deal to see some things about myself I really needed to recognize and to change. She really did make a difference in my life by being open and honest with me. John, I really loved that you wrote about the 3 steps. So very true. It was only in putting my trust and faith in God that I got through some really hard times in my life, times that have humbled me greatly and allowed me to learn lessons that gave me the desire to reach out to others that are in pain or confusion. It does all lead back to Him, every time.
John
« Reply #80 on Oct 18, 2006, 4:20pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is indeed ''THE LONGEST THREAD" . . .
It helps me immensely when I can verbalize (or in this case, write-alize things out. Is that a word [yet?]
jj
« Reply #81 on Oct 18, 2006, 7:54pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oct 18, 2006, 4:20pm, John wrote: this is indeed ''THE LONGEST THREAD" . . .
It helps me immensely when I can verbalize (or in this case, write-alize things out. Is that a word [yet?]
My gosh John I'm always wishing there were appropriate words for the internet. I know there is "chat" for "talking" but it doesn't seem right in some circumstances. Or when you would normally say "See you later"....well that doesn't' work. I think we should invent our own words and see if they catch on ....but not here...another thread and another time.
John
« Reply #82 on Oct 25, 2006, 12:03pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well JJ, did you start it yet or are you PROCRASTINATING !
jj
« Reply #83 on Oct 25, 2006, 2:25pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oct 25, 2006, 12:03pm, John wrote:Well JJ, did you start it yet or are you PROCRASTINATING !
Ummm...I was busy that day or ummm...the cat stole the list I started to make???.......
Hey, I said "we" not just "me".
Charlie Girl
« Reply #84 on Oct 25, 2006, 3:34pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll start. CCL = Cyber chat later
Now that thats finished, what is the next installment in getting our emotions under control? I think I need it ASAP!
John
« Reply #86 on Oct 26, 2006, 12:48pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well here's something new . . . This week at work I went to a six week class (I missed the 1st week) & (it lasts an hour) on be 'assertive'. This fits hand in hand with some/many of my ''Social/Personal Function Disorders''. Now I'm sure (?) many of you Don't suffer from this Dilemma but you may know someone that does [your children, your cat, houseplants . . .]. There is a book they are using that I plan on finding hopefully Before the sessions are over.
There is a BIG difference between being Assertive and being Aggressive.
Being assertive is not being a door-mat, not letting ppl take advantage of you, expecting to be treated like a functioning ADULT with your OWN likes/dislikes, opinion's and thoughts. AND learning it's OK to have your OWN opinions and the other person being OK WITH THAT.
Some of the reasons ppl are not assertive can be: being afraid if they disagree they will not be loved, the person will leave them [that's me], the person will ridicule them when they can't defend there reason for not agreeing with them. These are just some of the basic reasons, I'm sure there are doz more.
So far it has been very helpful and Paula [my therapist] thinks it's a great idea for me. Of course just Knowing is different from Doing . . . That's where I have to Analise my ''Auto-Matic Thoughts'' and ask, ''Is this true, is this what the facts are, or is this just an Old Feeling taking over again''.
The FUN Never ENDS !
Charlie Girl
« Reply #87 on Oct 26, 2006, 8:32pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks John. I'm learning from your learning. LOL
jj
« Reply #88 on Oct 30, 2006, 1:03pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For me, I think finding that fine line between being assertive and agressive is the most difficult. I tend to go over-board with my opinions and gosh that is so hard to not do!! I just can't state my case and leave it at that. And when I do go over-board and know I did I have to "take back" a lot of what I said.
John
« Reply #89 on Oct 31, 2006, 6:57pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's lesson was ''Assertiveness: Nonverbal Behavior''
We talked about - Passive Nonverbal Behavior, Aggressive Nonverbal Behavior and Assertive Nonverbal Behavior. Also, how to Express Opinions and Tips for sharing your opinions.
One of the more interesting goals I learned when Expressing your Opinion is, Your goal is NOT to get the other person's approval, nor is it to change the persons mind, nor is it to convince them that you are right. { ! } Basiclly it's to just present your point of view clearly.
and of course the Most Important Point is :
> > > EVERYBODY's ENTITLED TO MY OPINION < < <
What this really means is that everyone should have the chance to hear what I think about something, Not that my opinion is the only one worth listing too !
Charlie Girl
« Reply #90 on Oct 31, 2006, 7:33pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok John, I think its time to put you on the spot. Can you briefly describe and/or give an example of the different nonverbal behaviors?
I know its asking a lot to ask you to formulate what you learned into words but I really would like to know. Its ok if you can't. A lot of times I will internalize something but not be able to express it to someone else, so if you can't I will understand.
John
« Reply #91 on Nov 1, 2006, 11:45am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No problem Barb, but it will have to wait till tonite if I can use the 'puter or more realisticly, TOmorrow. the hand outs cover it quite good, but they are at home right now.
John
« Reply #92 on Nov 2, 2006, 12:30pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nonverbal Conveyed through:
1. Physical distance and/or contact
2. Posture
3. Movements/gesture
4. Tone of voice and fluency
5. Facial expression
6. Eye contact or lack thereof
7. General appearance
Information conveyed Nonverbally:
1. General emotional state
2. Feelings about/importance of issue
3. Feelings about other person
4. Level of confidence in what you say
5. Expectation about impact of your words
6. Your view of your status relative to the other person (=, <, >)
More to follow >
Charlie Girl
« Reply #93 on Nov 2, 2006, 2:34pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Very interesting so far teacher John. Thanks!
John
« Reply #94 on Nov 3, 2006, 1:05pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK Class, here we go again:
PASSIVE NonVerbal Behavior ~
Lack of eye contact, cast down, turned away.
Hunched posture, trying to disappear.
Few gestures or else nervous gesturing.
Anxious or apologetic expressions.
Quiet voice, questioning tone, sounds uncertain.
Hesitant in making statements, pauses or unfinished sentences.
AGGRESSIVE Nonverbal Behavior~
Posture is large & threatening
Rapid, sharp physical gestures
May invade others physical space
Direct and fixed eye contact
Expression is angry, glaring, tense, may get red in the face
May touch the other in a violent manner
Yelling and shouting or very cold and hostile
ASSERTIVE Nonverbal Behavior~
Upright posture with shoulders back, facing the other person
Movements are relaxed, natural, open
Maintained eye contact with few breaks
Facial expression matches content of message, generally calm and open
Touch is gentle and culturally appropriate
Voice is warm and well modulated
Flow of words is even and conversational
misty
« Reply #95 on Nov 3, 2006, 1:18pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I find this very interesting. I've seen tests done before where a person tries to figure out someones feelings JUST by watching body language (or non-verbal cues). Some people can read them, but others have a lot of trouble reading non verbal cues. I think most people have a mixture of all 3 but if someone has primarily #1 or #2, then they could probably benefit from some counselling.
John
« Reply #96 on Nov 3, 2006, 1:25pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've heard that up to about 60% of our communication is NON~VERBAL . . . I tend to over react to Negative NV (such as facial expressions) and it really throws me off. Tone of voice is another one that effects me strongly also.
misty
« Reply #97 on Nov 3, 2006, 1:45pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tone of voice affects me too John! My husband might say something he INTENDS to be nice, like "That was a good dinner" but his tone of voice will sound sarcastic or bored. He said hes always been like that. His parents & ex wife & friends ALL complained that his voice tone never matched his meanings. It can really bother me.
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:35:01 GMT -5
jj
« Reply #98 on Nov 3, 2006, 3:33pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nov 3, 2006, 1:25pm, John wrote:I've heard that up to about 60% of our communication is NON~VERBAL . . . I tend to over react to Negative NV (such as facial expressions) and it really throws me off. Tone of voice is another one that effects me strongly also.
John, My sister is like that. Her facial expressions are a dead give-away to how she is feeling. But then again, I am one of those people who can read a person by body language and facial expressions very easily. It's a gift for the job I do but not so sure about personal relationships.
Now tone of voice is what messes with me. Immediately, I will react to a certain tone of voice and it gets me in trouble. LOL
Loving the lessons John. I can already see a lot of things I need to work on.
John
« Reply #99 on Nov 3, 2006, 3:52pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DW, many times will say, ''Well you don't LooK happy/excited . . . or what ever it might be. Well excuse me , I'm sorry . . . I'l try harder next time ~ LOL !
Charlie Girl
« Reply #100 on Nov 4, 2006, 9:57am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a hard time with body language. There have been times when I was telling someone something that I didn't think they would believe and was so self conscious about it that I changed my natural actions to what seemed more convincing. I propbably convinced them with that that I was making it up.
I had a foster daughter once who would lie before she told the truth even if the truth was better for her. I did learn to look for the visual cues that she wasn't being truthful. The more convincing she was, the more likely she was lying but once I figured it out and could tell, she learned to be more honest.
I wonder how many people with aspergers have been accused of lying because they can't look you in the eye and naturally speak in a flat, monotone type voice.
Can you tell that I don't do very well when it comes to reading body language?
John
« Reply #101 on Nov 6, 2006, 1:19pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I could tell by your body language BarB, that you don't do very well with Body Language ~ LOL
I can usually tell when my 16y/0 daughter is lying. She usually talks very fast and in a monotone voice. She is very good at denying ANY responsibility for what I asking her about . . .
Actually she reminds me of mySELF when I was a teen, I would lie just to not get into trouble. I don't think my Father believed me very often.
I find it Really, Really hard to know what is accurate VS what I'm interpreting, when it comes to facial expression & also possibly Voice Tone. I have not yet found it helpfull to justknow that I misread facial expressions . . . I haven't figured out/found out how correctly inturpet what I think I'm seeing (?)
John
« Reply #102 on Nov 8, 2006, 10:25am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK class, here's somemore . . .
EXPRESSING OPINIONS:
1. Passive Style ~ avoid giving opinions on both major and minor issues, wait for others to give their opinions first, agree with others.
2. Aggressive style ~ give opinions freely, but put down other points of view, try to intimidate other es into agreement.
3. ASSERTIVE Style ~ Willing to express opinions, feel no need to have others agree or to change their minds, open to consider information presented by others and may change opinion but do not need to go along with the crowd.
TIPS for SHARING YOUR OPINIONS:
1. Try to be relaxed and act confident when giving your opinion; your opinion matters !
2. Rehearse what you want to say, or write it down first.
3. Use ''I'' statements to own your opinion:
''I think''
''It seems to me . . . ''
''The way that I see it is...''
''My belief is...''
''I feel...''
4. Don't apologize for your opinion.
5. Show recognition that others might see things differently and you are open to their views.
6. You don't necessarily have to defend or justify your opinion, but you may choose to.
7. You can agree to disagree.
Hope you find this info helpfull.
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:35:41 GMT -5
Charlie Girl
« Reply #103 on Nov 8, 2006, 11:29am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey! I finally found something I do right! I have progressed from the first style, through the 2nd and now use the 3rd usually.
lostmyshoe
« Reply #104 on Nov 8, 2006, 12:16pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know how you feel Barb. I had such a terrible time when I was in grade school picking up cues and body language from people. I really pushed myself hard to memorize what certain things meant and certain cues. By highschool I was doing much better and those were better years for me. I'm still learning lots of things now. John's post was terrific. I'm so glad this topic came up because I know exactly what you mean. There with ya. Gotta run for now but will check this thread again. Bye for now.
John
« Reply #105 on Nov 8, 2006, 12:54pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nov 8, 2006, 11:29am, Charlie Girl wrote:Hey! I finally found something I do right! I have progressed from the first style, through the 2nd and now use the 3rd usually.
WaY to go BARB ! For ME, this kind of info is something I need to Review & Review & Review. It's like creating a New Habit & Learning some new Auto.Matic Thinking. Oh, and also - Practice - Practice - Practive.
John
« Reply #106 on Nov 8, 2006, 12:55pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dee, glad your finding this helpful, and useful and worthwhile and interesting.
John
« Reply #107 on Nov 15, 2006, 12:46pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll try to post what we went over YESterday if I remember to bring it in to work on Thyrsday . . .
John
« Reply #108 on Nov 16, 2006, 12:42pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK Class . . . .
GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK
Why is Negative Feedback Important ?
1 Vital to maintaining healthy relationships
2 If you dont let others know that you dont like something, it can only damage the relationship
3 Friends depend on our honesty to know how they are perceived by others
It's UNcomfortable to give Negative Feedback so We:
1 Avoid it -
Never tell others what we really think-this is a recipe for Disaster in Relationships
2 Give it Aggressively-
Bottle it up until it comes out in an Aggressive manner
Discomfort with giving feedback comes out seeming aggressive
3 Are vague-
Talk in generalities and may not be specific or clear
STAY TUNED for ''Skill for Giving CONSTRUCTIVE Feedback '' !
Link to Post - Back to Top 137.148.182.148
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DREAMS DON'T HAVE DEADLINES
Charlie Girl
« Reply #109 on Nov 16, 2006, 1:00pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Staying tuned and ready for more!
misty
« Reply #110 on Nov 16, 2006, 2:16pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, Thankfully I have NO PROBLEM giving negative feedback (just ask Barb & JJ if you don't believe me). I have 2 questions though.
1. What do you do when others don't receive the negative feedback well?
2. how do you teach yourself to accept negative feedback from others?
John
« Reply #111 on Nov 16, 2006, 4:15pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dawn, those are Important Questions . . . For a Limited Time ONLY, of just $19.95, YOU can find out the answers to these and at least two other questions you didn't even know YOU HAD !
Seriously Folks, I will find out the answer to these questions for yoU ! (ASAP)
misty
« Reply #112 on Nov 16, 2006, 6:37pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nov 16, 2006, 4:15pm, John wrote:Dawn, those are Important Questions . . . For a Limited Time ONLY, of just $19.95, YOU can find out the answers to these and at least two other questions you didn't even know YOU HAD !
Nov 16, 2006, 4:15pm, John wrote:Seriously Folks, I will find out the answer to these questions for yoU ! (ASAP)
Thanks, John!
Actually, maybe we SHOULD be paying you! You are teaching us so MUCH!
John
« Reply #113 on Nov 17, 2006, 2:28pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All Right, makes your checks out to . . . LOL
Well, I'm not actualy Teaching Dawn, I'm just relaying information . . . umm, well that's what teachers do so I gues I'm kinda doing that . . .
lostmyshoe
« Reply #114 on Nov 18, 2006, 1:03pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How bout a Mom that has no problem handing out negative feedback but can't take any herself. Took my Mom on vaca with us and boy was she negative the whole time. She's always kind of been that way but it's gotten worse since we lost my Dad 2 1/2 years ago. Not the most fun vacation I've ever had. Did me in emotionally. Seven days of it and I am still recovering. Sorry I am venting here. The thread just struck a chord. Thanks so much for the info. I really can use it right now.
John
« Reply #115 on Nov 20, 2006, 10:24am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dee, you should Never apologize here for venting !
Glad this is helping you and others.
Charlie Girl
« Reply #116 on Nov 20, 2006, 10:47am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Losty, is your mom being treated for depression? Quite often the loss of a partner will bring it on or worsen it, and its something that is affecting her entire life still. Just a thought.
John
« Reply #117 on Nov 20, 2006, 12:43pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skills for Giving Constructive Feedback ~
FOCUS on the Behavior, NOT the person
* You should be able to identify a specific BEHAVIOR that can
be changed for improvement.
* Don't label
* Choose a good time - for you
and the other person
When you can be calm
When you can talk one-on-one
Your not rushed
When the other person is not distracted or overwhelmed
* Balance ratio of positives and negatives
*Make sure that you are not just expressing what you don't
like, but also expressing what you do like
* Think out what you want to say ahead of time
*Sandwich or Frame the issue
Start out with something Positive, or put the Negative
between two Positives
*Be specific
If feedback is vague or general, they will not know what
to do to improve
* Give Information, not advice
Don't tell the other person what to do, just give the facts.
Later > Barriers to Saying No
leigh
« Reply #118 on Nov 27, 2006, 9:12am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whoa, John! I haven't been reading here much lately, but I bookmarked this thread a long while back and decided to catch up this morning. All of the little behavior lists you put up really hit home for me. Some of it's hard to read because I'm going, "Yeah, that's me. Yeah, that's me. Yeah, that's me, too." Uhhhgg. I've been dealing with some personal issues lately (some of it is the stuff you've been posting.)
Yesterday was a particularly difficult day (morning). The kids were getting on my nerves with their bickering and backtalking. My husband was irritating me by not appearing to be interested in having a conversation with me about a topic I wanted to discuss, and I didn't hold back my irritation with any of them. In fact I was downright mean and almost self-righteous.
So we went to church, and the ENTIRE sermon was on behaving in a negative, "self-righteous" way and how it ruins relationships.....and shows no respect for God. I was squirming in my seat because I knew what my husband was thinking, and I felt terrible. At the same time, I honestly said a prayer of thanks for the little spiritual "tap on the shoulder."
Anyway, I'm going to print out those lists of yours. Thanks for all you've done to help us here.
|
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Feb 10, 2007 14:36:20 GMT -5
John
« Reply #119 on Nov 27, 2006, 10:05am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nov 27, 2006, 9:12am, leigh wrote:Whoa, John! I haven't been reading here much latelyen posting.) .
Leigh ~ and WHY NOT ! (j/k!) Glad you've found this helpful, I know I have. It's interesting how much of this covers so many other area's of our/your/my life . .
Reply #120 on Nov 30, 2006, 12:26pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just wanted to say, I'll be giving some more info soon . . . in the Future . . . Later . . . A time that is not Now . . .
John
« Reply #121 on Dec 4, 2006, 12:42pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
as soon as I find the handouts . . . As of now they are M.I.A.
misty
« Reply #122 on Dec 4, 2006, 5:48pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are waiting patiently, John.
John
« Reply #123 on Dec 7, 2006, 12:53pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank You . . . I still have not located them ~
John
« Reply #124 on Dec 20, 2006, 1:53pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I Still have not located them . . .
I will not find them until Spring . . .
I was but now I'm Lost . . .
What should I do . . .
Maybe I'll just have to CLEAN UP my papers that are scattered all over the floOR . . .
What a UNIQUE concept ! . . .
jj
« Reply #125 on Dec 20, 2006, 7:14pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, if I had any toxic thoughts they just got spewed out when I burst out laughing at your posts. Especially the first one...."A time that is not now". ROTFLLLL
John
« Reply #126 on Dec 21, 2006, 1:00pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THANK YOU JJ ! Finally someone ''gets IT !" ~ LOL
I just did a Self~DX > Results > I have ''Future Displacement Disorder - or FDD''
jj
« Reply #127 on Dec 21, 2006, 1:15pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You did it to me again!
jj
« Reply #128 on Dec 28, 2006, 8:58am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While John is looking for his handouts (yes, we are a patient group, John ) I thought this would be a good time to bring up "button pushing". I meant to mention it a while back in this thread but the posts were so interesting I forgot about it. And sorry, this is a bit long so I hope you all can get through it. LOL
O.K. You ready for this!! People don't push our buttons. We let people push our buttons and in some cases we leave them no choice. Yup, you heard me.
Many years ago during a marital squabble I asked my (now) X why he got so angry. He told me I just pushed his buttons. I pondered this a while and after some thought I realized how often we had had this same argument before, we said almost the exact same things in previous fights and rehashed the same things over and over again so I knew there was something to what he said. So I took it to heart and started to pay attention to what I was saying. Don't get me wrong...at first I could never do this in the heat of a battle but you know how after a fight you go over in your mind what each person said, what you wish you had said, etc. Well, I could see a pattern of what he said to tick me off and what I said to him to tick him off.
After many failed attempts to change the way a "discussion" was going I finally said something I normally would not say. It changed the whole outcome of the "discussion".
Let me give you a little example of one of our famous senerios:
Him: So whats for supper? (I immediately went on the defensive thinking he expected me to cook)
Me: What? You think I'm your maid? (Now my words just put him on the defensive)
Him: No, but I've had a rough week. I just want to sit here and relax.
Me: Well I'm not cooking! I had a rough week too. (I'm getting mad)
What happened when I just changed a few words.
Him: So whats for supper?
Me: I don't know. You want to go look to see what we have.(I'm putting the choice in his court)
Him: I just want to sit here and relax. I've had a rough week. (He's telling the truth)
Me: I know you've had a rough week. So have I. Supper can wait. Just sit and relax.(Again, I'm putting it in his court as what he can do. Usually he grudgingly got up and came in the kitchen with me if he was hungry enough)
So what I'm saying is if you think someone is pushing your buttons look to see how you are allowing those buttons to be pushed. Maybe just rephrasing something could bring a different outcome. For example if your child lying to you “pushes your buttons” don't give them the chance to lie. If you know the garbage hasn't been taken out don't ask, “Did you take out the garbage?”. That gives the child the opportunity to lie. Instead say, “ I see you didn't take out the garbage. Please go do that now!”.
O.K. I'm done. Hopefully, maybe this will help some of you. I did try to put these things to play in my marriage and it did help the fights not get so “hot” but unfortunately the marriage still fizzled.
John
« Reply #129 on Dec 29, 2006, 2:15pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JJ, Those are great tips . . . Now WHAT'S FOR SUPPER ? ? ?
misty
« Reply #130 on Dec 29, 2006, 2:53pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dec 29, 2006, 2:15pm, John wrote:JJ, Those are great tips . . . Now WHAT'S FOR SUPPER ? ? ?
Acyually, I was thinking while I read your post, JJ....That if It were me I MY hubby & I changed the discussion & said "I don't know. You want to go look to see what we have?" His reply would probably be not as nice as what you described.
I've tried changing the outcome of discussions, like you suggest & have come to the conclusion that sometimes we LIKE to argue. That at times (not always, mind you) no matter how we change around what we say, its going to turn in to an argument simply because we WANT to argue!
Now, your suggestions for kids are good ones & that's a whole different story. The relationship between parent & child is on a different level than that between spouses. While I sometimes enjoy a good fight with my husband & come away feeling cleansed, I never enjoy arguing with my child.
jj
« Reply #131 on Dec 29, 2006, 4:03pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Misty, I don't think this would work if you like to fight, as you say.
I personally hate to fight. I never feel better and in most cases I feel worse partly because I said some things I shouldn't have and things were said to me that were hurtful, because I wish I said some things I didn't, and I can't stand someone being mad at me but most of all I hate being angry, period. If you feel cleansed after a fight then I guess that is a good thing so fight away!!!! ROTFLMBO
I can't help but wonder if, when someone is always itching for a fight, there a lot more going on then the "topic" at hand. Hmmm... I know this is so true with my sister. She can't hardly say anything to me or me to her because of all the past hurtful things we have said to each other, that we aren't immediately on the defensive.
BTW: My example was just an example and probably pretty lame but you know your spouse and if you don't want to argue then really thinking about what triggers your spouse to "push your buttons" should be something you should attempt to change.
Anyway, I'm just telling what worked for me to prevent those fights that got REALLY nasty and hurtful. Obviously it won't work for everybody.
Now a debate (not getting angry and stating what you passionately believe) is a whole different story.
misty
« Reply #132 on Dec 29, 2006, 4:08pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just to clarify, We are not always itching for a fight. BUT, there are times when having a passionate argument just clears the air & leaves us both feeling better afterwards. Not to mention, its better than keeping things bottled up inside.
I think you are correct that if someone ALWAYS wants to argue, then there is probably an underlying issue.
jj
« Reply #133 on Dec 29, 2006, 9:00pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dec 29, 2006, 4:08pm, misty wrote:Just to clarify, We are not always itching for a fight. BUT, there are times when having a passionate argument just clears the air & leaves us both feeling better afterwards. Not to mention, its better than keeping things bottled up inside.
I think you are correct that if someone ALWAYS wants to argue, then there is probably an underlying issue.
I agree with you 100%. Keeping things bottled up is not good. Can I be the devils advocate??? What buttons were pushed that made either one of you feel the air needed clearing? These are the buttons I'm talking about that we "allow" to happen.
O.K. I'm done be onery. I hope you don't feel like I'm picking on you Misty. You just happened to be the one with a good response.
misty
« Reply #134 on Dec 29, 2006, 9:09pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh...sure..make me THINK
Lets see....Buttons...I like to push the " its a MANS job" button & when he's angry at me I like to LAUGH...just sit there & laugh...that is his BIGGEST button!
I only do it when I'm already angry at him & would like to just argue & get it done with. See, he's the type that would rather walk away & cool down so he can talk calmly, but if I'm mad & theres no one to fight with, I dont cool down, I sit & get angrier & angrier. So I'd rather just fight & be done with it.
Re: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts
« Reply #135 on Dec 30, 2006, 1:24am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey JJ, Hmmm....I notice you have a knack of getting me to talk! I'm wondering.....I think your real job is to chat up suspects while they are waiting to be interrogated and you get a confession and save the county a lot of money in prosecution expenses!
Am I right?
jj
« Reply #136 on Dec 30, 2006, 6:55pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh no! And I was about to bring out my REAL interrogation equipment...ya know...the bright light in a dingy little room sitting by a tiny table. And I was going to ask Charliegirl to play the bad guy/good guy routine to get you to talk even more!!!
Charlie Girl
« Reply #137 on Dec 30, 2006, 6:59pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh darn! That would have been so much fun too!
misty
« Reply #138 on Dec 30, 2006, 7:00pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dec 30, 2006, 6:55pm, jj wrote:And I was going to ask Charliegirl to play the bad guy/good guy routine to get you to talk even more!!!
jj
« Reply #139 on Dec 31, 2006, 2:45am »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You have a graphic for every occation, Misty. Even the oddest most strange topic at hand....there you are with a perfect graphic. I love it....it's so cute.
John
« Reply #140 on Jan 1, 2007, 9:29pm »
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dec 30, 2006, 6:55pm, jj wrote:Oh no! And I was about to bring out my REAL interrogation equipment...ya know...the bright light in a dingy little room sitting by a tiny table. And I was going to ask Charliegirl to play the bad guy/good guy routine to get you to talk even more!!!
John
reply number 140
Nice going JJ, you just bLEW CG's cover
|
|
|
|
Post by lostmyshoe on Mar 6, 2007 19:04:08 GMT -5
Well, I've got the book, "CBT for Dummies", but do ya think I've got the time to read it.  I do intend to read it. I'm hoping maybe this weekend?  ? |
|
I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
