Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (from old site)

[John]

Losty, that's a Great step ! . . . Just start flipping thru it and I'm sure you'll find something interesting ~ or you can start at the beginning too .

[lostmyshoe]

I confess, I do cheat sometimes and start in the middle, LOL. This time it can actually work that way, depending what areas someone needs help the most. I did flip through it a little but I do need to take a chunk of time and really read it cover to cover. I really like the way it is written too. It is definitely the book for me.

[charliegirl]

I love your siggy Losty! It says it so well!

[John]

All the sNOw is GOne here in NEO. It's supposed to be in the mid-50's to 60's all week.

[lostmyshoe]

I know, gone here too, wooo, hoooo! Gotta change that siggy now.

[John]

???On vacation I read about 5 or 6 chapters in the ''CBt for Dummies''. The chapter that really spoke to was about Self-Esteem compared to Self-Acceptance [chap. 12].

I don't have the book in front of me so I''m just gonna wing it and give a 'readers digest' version for now.

1. Self-Esteem [SE] is feeling Good or Bad about yourself from external sources, something outside of yourself. For example: You cooked a great meal and your spouse heaps praises upon you and you feel great about yourself, your marriage, your spouse.
The next day your washing machine craps out and you can't wash clothes. Spouse flips out and starts ranting & raving about how you can't do anything right & what kind of parent are you and why didn't you know about it sooner and blah, blah, blah.

2. Self-Acceptance [SA] on the other hand works something like this: Your boss give you a new project/assignment/task to do, you work on it the way you think you are supppost to. You finish it and give it to your boss. They look at it an don't respond very favorable. You feel bad that you didn't get it right but you know that the next time you will do what it takes to find out more about how it was to be done. You know that you've done good work in the the past and that you will probably makes mistakes in the future also.

This seems so basic but for me it was like being hit on the head with a '2 by 4' {Ow, stop doing that will ya'?}. I musta' reread that chapter about 4 times.

[charliegirl]

Thats interesting. I've always thought of self esteem as being the way you described self acceptance, knowing deep inside that you are valuable no matter what you are experiencing.

Now I have to re-organize my mind.

Thanks John!

[John]

???Barb Your Welcome !

It's not so much as 'reorganize' as Retraining your mind which is MUCH more difficult, time consuming and of course repetitively frustrating.

I have to keep reminding myself that the CBT I'm doing is worth it and necessary and that I'M worth it. I've dug myself into this hole and i DON't Like it Here ANY MORE !
I may fall back in over and over again but I know where the ladder is [no elevators here Baby!] so I'm gettin' out. Yes I like to wallow in self-pity [WAA ! } because I feel that I've been wronged-that I don't deserve it [whatever your ''it'' is] and let's not forget everyones Favorite: IT'S NOT FAIR !

[lostmyshoe]

Hi John,

Thanks for sharing what you've read so far and how it relates to you. Please do keep sharing. Been dealing with the "It's not fair" issue at the moment. Not really due to a personal issue of mine but because someone we knew just died of a heart attack at 45 years of age. I really need to pick up that book because I seem to be in some kind of weird funk that I can't get out of lately. The house being a mess and not knowing where to start doesn't help either. I think I need to thumb through and look for a chapter that will help me to see why I am feeling this way and to focus on getting out of it ASAP by retraining my thoughts and responses to those thoughts.

[jj]

charliegirl said:

Thats interesting. I've always thought of self esteem as being the way you described self acceptance, knowing deep inside that you are valuable no matter what you are experiencing.

Now I have to re-organize my mind.

Thanks John!

I'm getting dizzy thinking about it. I don't get it at all. Especially since I can't relate to letting someone yelling at me with out putting them in their place - like really fast. Maybe I'm missing the point. I will ponder this some more....

Certainly one can't have self-acceptance and not have good self-esteem or visa-versa, can they? Don't they pretty much go hand in hand???