chase has in school suspension

[misty]

Oh, I'm so glad things went well today, Puzzled! What a huge relief for you. At least you'll be able to get some rest this weekend.


By the way, I'm sorry I kind of hijacked your thread. I didn't intend to.

[puzzled]

Awww...no problem, I don't mind...I am really not that touchy! And I am sure that I have (or will) do the same sometime.....hijack a thread of yours....

[katiekat]

Puzzled-Glad things turned out well for Chase.
That silent lunch thing is crazy-lunch is time to relax. School is like a kids job can you imagine your employer telling you you cant talk on your lunch break? When I worked at the school I had to occasionally have lunch duty,it was very relaxed-just the normal rules you would expect. No running,throw your trash out etc...
The only time there was a silent lunch was during Spirit Week and it was pretty fun. The different grades were competing for points and the teachers and principals walked around asking the kids ridiculous questions and trying to make them talk.

[lillian]

O.K. I don't understand why Chase got punished. The school knows about this other child continually bullying Chase? Chase went to the aide and told the aide that the child was harassing him? I don't like this. Now, my son got ISS earlier this year for pushing a kid that was bullying him, but my son never went to an adult to report the kid, first. That's our rule. If you are being bullied on school property, you go to an adult. You don't handle it yourself.

My son knows that he has my full permission to beat the tar out of anyone who's bullying him off of school property. Some parents may disagree with that philosophy, but, what can I say, I'm southern. I've told him that I would prefer he try to make it home, instead of fighting on the street, but he has the right to defend himself.

So, I wasn't against the ISS because my son did not follow the rules that I have layed out to him repeatedly. What concerns me about your son is that adults are aware the bullying is going on, and they aren't doing anything about it. Then what is your son supposed to do, other than defend himself?

[puzzled]

My thoughts exactly, but Chase never comes in contact with this boy off school property, Chase rides a bus because we live almost 5 miles from school. Seth is on a different bus. They were on the same baseball team last year, but aside from his mom and grandma being extremely mouthy and obnoxious, and them expecting him to get preferential treatment, the boys got on OK. Chase was having problems being part of a team, but I was sure that if he did it, he would learn social skills, so I insisted and the coaches knew the issue. So sometimes, Chase was in the outfield, totally uninterested in the game (tossing his glove in the air, sitting down, etc) and it was Seth's turn to sit out the inning. Seth's mom and grandma would yell things like "Put my boy in! Look at the kid out there sitting down! He doesn't want to be there!" Knowing full well that I was "that kid's" mom and sitting nearby. I finally went over to them and told them that he needed the practice in a team sport, that I paid just as much as they had for him to play, and that Chase had already done his bench time. They at least got quieter. And by the end of the season, Chase was out there trying his best and participating in the game fully, just as I knew he would given the chance.

Chase says the other bullying behavior happened in the classroom and he told the teacher, but never thought to tell the principal in the heat of the moment after the fight. The problem is also that Chase does not want to be perceived as a tattle tale and wants to be seen for being able to defend himself.... I don't know what to do about that...all of these episodes happen in full view of many onlookers...so he is aware that many eyes are on him....

[lillian]

If this child is repeatedly bullying your son and the school knows about it, then the school needs to separate the boys. Your son does not go to school to be bullied, and he must feel safe while he is there. How can he be bullied in the classroom? Where's the teacher?

I tell ya, I belong to a teacher's support forum, and for the most part I offer support to the teachers on the forum, but I give teachers a hard time about bullying. When they say they have a child who is bullying other students during class and don't know what to do about it, I tell them they are the adults, they control the classroom, and they control what happens in that classroom. It's up to the teacher to bring an end to the bullying. No child comes to school to be bullied. So, where is your son's teacher? What is she doing? What plan does she have in place, should your son be bullied again in her classroom?

[charliegirl]

I did that when my son was being bullied in school. I asked the teacher to seperate the boys and keep them apart. When she sat them next to each other, I insisted that one be moved. When they had field trips and outside activities, the boys were to be kept apart or a teacher had to be there at all times, watching closely if they were involved in an organized activity such as a game.

The aides or teachers watching them during recess are being paid to watch the children and protect them against being hurt. That does include bullying.

Go to the principal and tell him that your son is only defending himself and that you won't sign for anymore discipline for him for defending himself until the people watching the kids are actively involved and you know he had other options, just as Lillian said.

I took it one step further and said that if the bullying didn't stop, I was going to the authorities. They weren't able to stop it completely because bullies can be little sneaks, and will find ways to whisper things in passing, etc, but my son stopped being physically attacked on school property.

[puzzled]

In the case of the classroom incident, they were in transition between class and recess, and the kid was behind chase in line, repeatedly stepping on the back of chase's shoe. Chase let it go a couple of times, then turned and asked him to stop. He didn't. So. Chase turned and yelled at him that he knew that Seth was doing it on purpose, and he needs to stop, to which the brat replied "Yep, and it is fun!" But he stopped. I do not know where the teacher was...this is a male teacher. The one good thing about the teacher is that he seems to know that Seth is the instigator and has punished Seth when a child (not chase) retaliated back against seth's starting something....the same day he stepped on chase's shoe, he got slapped (on purpose) by a much more tolerant child (seth was teasing him relentlessly), and on accident as a taller child was walking away waving him off as he left(again seth was teasing), his hand caught seth in the forehead and according to chase, seth, fell out, acting like he was dying, crying and rolling on the floor, but after hearing the story, the teacher punished seth, not the other boy. He must not have been aware of the shoe thing at first, but chase says that he told him....

When I was on the phone with the principal, I did fill him in on the fact that Seth and Chase had been tangling verbally all week before that incident on the playground, but this was the day before the ISS was to be served. I wanted the principal to know that Chase had been trying to avoid the conflict for a time, maybe I should put these incidents in writing in the future and send them to his office, so he has a written record.

[lillian]

Oh, good grief! I can't believe this teacher. Argh! Uh, zero tolerance? HELLO! Yes, I would keep written records of these incidents, and I would sit down with the teacher and ask the teacher what his plan was to deal with Seth. I would want to know exactly what the teacher had decided to do the next time Seth bullied your child. I would keep a written record of that, too. I would email the teacher after the meeting, telling the teacher that you were pleased with his plan and clearly state what that plan was. Uh, huh.

[puzzled]

Ok, so I need to have a meeting with the teacher, and state that Seth and Chase are having problems interacting, and ask him what he plans to do about the fact that Seth is initiating conflict with Chase that ultimately results in Chase getting fed up and fighting back. I will site the shoe stepping incident, and ask him where he was during that, and what he did if anything. I will point out that each time that Chase has got into a "fight" it has been the result of many incidents of teasing and remind him that at our parent teacher conference he himself brought up the fact that Chase was "a good. kind boy" and that he "could not understand why the other children teased him about his size when he is in reality not much smaller than the teasers".

I will request that he keep Seth and Chase separated as much as possible, and ask that the playground aides be informed as well ( I may be able to take care of that one myself....).

Then, after the meeting I send him an email outlining all of these things and thanking him for his agreement to them, and send a copy to the principal.

Does that sound good? This is all so new to me and I want to get it right....