chase has in school suspension

[lillian]

The teacher told you that other students in class were repeatedly teasing your son about his size? Did you bring this up or did the teacher? O.K. Let me tell you what I did in my classroom when this kind of thing happened:

First, "No bullying" was my #1 classroom rule, listed as #1 on my list of rules. I went over what this meant the first day of class. It included physically assaulting, verbally assaulting, and nonverbally assaulting (laughing at, giving theatening stares to, etc.) another student. I made it very clear that if a child bullied another child, then the child doing the bullying might be separated from the rest of the students for whatever amount of time I deemed necessary. This was listed on my "Consequences for Your Choosing Not to Follow the Rules" list. My students had to write all the classroom rules and consequences three times, putting one set in their binders, signing and giving me one set, and taking another set home to be signed by their parents. So, my "No Bullying" rule and consequence was agreed to from the first day of school by the students and parents.

If a student of mine verbally bullied another student in class, like these students are doing to your son, then I would approach the student in front of all the students and ask, "Excuse me? What did you just say? We don't talk to each like that in this classroom. You know that. You know the rules. What rule are you violating?" The student would say, "Uh, rule #1." I'd ask, "And what is that rule?" The student would repeat the rule. I'd then ask, "And what is the consequence?" The student would repeat the consequence. Finally, I'd ask, "Do you need that consequence? Do you need to be separated from the other students? You can sit there" (I'd point at the lone desk by the classroom door) "if you need to sit there because you can't treat your fellow classmates with respect. Do you need to sit there?" That usually took care of it, and it definitely stopped the "follow the leader" stuff that happens, when other students in the class starting ganging up with the bully to keep from being bullied themselves.

[puzzled]

The teacher brought it up....it went like this. This is parent teacher conference... "Ok Mrs.____, Chase is doing quite well academically, but he does seem to get upset at times, like today. I had to leave the classroom to get some copies made, and while I was gone, the kids got loud and out of hand, I guess. They told me that Chase stood up at his desk and slammed his book shut and yelled at them to be quiet so he could concentrate. Then when they didn't quiet down, he went next door and got another teacher (the teacher neglected to add that 2 other students went with Chase on this mission for adult help...Chase told me that later). Frankly, I was a little embarrassed to come back to find that my class could not be trusted for a few minutes on their own, and I tried to tell Chase that he did not need to leave to get help." To which I replied that I was proud of him for finding a solution, and getting an adult to help. Then the teacher went on to say that "Chase is such a good boy, and I really hate to see the other kids pick on him, especially about his size...I mean what does it matter that he hasn't grown as fast as they have...he is good and kind and smart!" He went on to kind of question his ADHD dx, saying that he really did not see any lack of attentiveness/focus. I told him that was because he had only seen him on meds and that if he didn't believe me to go and have a talk with Chase's 4th grade teachers about the change before and after medication. That is how much behavior is a non issue for Chase..the teacher questions the fact of the ADHD.

I told the teacher that unfortunately, many parents of today do not teach their children respect for rules, and that is why they acted out as soon as he left, and why they tease. I told him that Chase has been taught respect and that is why he went for help when the rule was broken. Chase told me the whole story after I got home from conference, and said that the teacher almost made it seem like Chase had done wrong, not the troublemakers. I told Chase that he was perfectly right and that the teacher was just embarrassed in front of his coworker, the other teacher.

I wish that there were more teachers like you in my school, lillian and I am going to shamefully steal that idea of yours for when and if I get my teaching degree and a classroom of my own!


Misty edited to remove last name for safety reasons.

[lillian]

Most schools have very, very strict policies about leaving children alone in the classroom. And leaving them alone to make copies? This guy sounds like he's having a hard time teaching. Is he new? I would have loved to have heard what the other teachers said when they heard a teacher had to go in his class and handle a behavior issue because he had left his class alone to make copies.

[puzzled]

He is NOT a new teacher, and he is a busybody. When I was pregnant and just after Jake was born, he was WAY too interested in my progress. I was PTO President and in the school a lot, I also tutored 5th graders for an hour a week in the library. He would come up and "get in my space' you know kind of standing too close and ask me questions about the pregnancy. The last straw was after Jake was born, (he was over 10 pounds) and this teacher I barely knew came up to me outside the office and asked me how the breastfeeding was going! After that, I would literally turn around and go the other way if I saw him in the hall. I thought that was way too personal a question. I do not remember what I answered....

I am sure that it was more than just a few moments as he claimed, I am certain he was gabbing with someone he saw in the hall or copy room. He could just as well have sent a responsible student down to get the copies, and stayed in the classroom with the students.

I do not know what the rules are in this school about leaving kids alone, but I am friends with a few of the elementary teachers and could easily find out...

[lillian]

Ewww, Puzzled, he sounds kinda creepy. Is he the only fifth grade teacher?

[puzzled]

Yes he is kinda creepy...and he isn't the only 5th grade teacher, but the way the school does things, he has to have him for class anyhow....the children have to change classes for subjects, and they ALL have this teacher for social studies. He has been teaching since my girls were in school, but they had the old set up where they had one teacher for all subjects except for reading and that depended on their reading level. All of my kids have been in top reading group, and this teacher did not teach the top group. By the time the boys were in 5th grade, they had changed to this system, and both boys got him for homeroom. I admit, he gives me the willies, but both boys have said that he is a good teacher, so I have not let them know how I feel about him....

[lillian]

If there's no way to avoid this teacher, then I would conference with him and ask him what plan he had in place to deal with your son's being bullied, should it happen again in this teacher's class. Put the ball in the teacher's court. He has a responsibility to handle this, and you have the right to know how he plans to handle it. Summarize the meeting via email, and cc a copy of the letter to the principal. Be insistent, though polite, about the fact that you will not tolerate your child's being bullied on school grounds. You also may want to mention that you have had other children attend the school without having to deal with these issues. This may help remind everyone that you are not a "high maintenance" mom, though they probably already know this. Discuss briefly how happy you had been with the education your older children received at the school, and you are hoping your younger son will receive as good of an education.

Good luck!

[puzzled]

yes he had Jake and he knows that I never had a problem with Jake at all. He even mentioned how both of the boys are so smart when he kind of questioned how I came to realize that Chase was ADHD. He was very interested, respectful, and curious, asked me about the process, so I summarized the whole 2-3 year ordeal for him, and ended with telling him to just go down the hall and speak with the 3rd and 4th grade teachers if he needed more info....I think he is "old school" and either does not believe in ADHD, or only recognizes the hyperactive type. The only time he came in contact with Chase previously, was at a quiet, structured study table hour in 4th grade....a setting that Chase did well in un medicated. He in no way negated the dx, and probably him having seen that the boys are indeed respectful of adults, other children, and rules has let him know that it is not ineffective parenting causing problems...who knows , Chase may be the one to change his thinking....it really helps that the teachers have seen both my 2 ADHD kids and the 2 that aren't...they know that I am not a parent to instantly medicate, or unable to parent effectively, I always receive compliments on my kids' respectful, empathetic behavior.

I will call the school and set up a meeting with him for next Monday after school, it is the only day that I do not have daycare children after school. I will let you know how it goes....

[crazyhouse]

Wow I haven't been able to get to my computer for more then ten minutes. Puzzled I would have done the same thing at the baseball field, also do you feel like you were sexually harrassed while you were pregnant because it sure sounds like it? I would really keep a close eye on this guy, when I was in school long time ago they would run and do xeroxing but I didn't think they were aloud to leave the classroom unattended. Isn't that why they have aids to xerox or clean the chalk board. I would be asking Chase daily about his dealings in that class specificly. The log is a great idea, and it never hurts to keep a copy of everything you send to the school. (I have learned that the hard way)

Usually when a child is disturbing multiple children in one class the teacher sees these things and takes action and I don't mean by letting another child get away with accidently wacking him upside the head (I'm sure it was funny and sounds like he deserved it) but with sending him to the principals office zero tollerence is a big thing in the schools out here. I hope your school system sees the problem and corrects it. (I'm sure a new teacher would be nice right about now) Good Luck!

[puzzled]

I did feel a little weirded out while I was pregnant with Jake, and he was so interested...so I avoided him as much as possible. He is an apostolic, and has like 10 children of his own...all very smart...the apostolic's do not have TV, or video games,and they seem to all be smarter, maybe because they read a lot. All I know is if there is a child in your child's grade with that last name, that child will win all of the academic awards....my boys lucked out, and don't have one in their year...the girls both did...and even though Jonna was very smart, the child from this family won everything!!