It worked! But not for long...

[katiekat]

Last week I tried out something I saw on Dr. Phil with Sean. I took him "back to basics" which means I took everything out of his room except his furniture and he had to earn it all back. I cannot believe how well it worked! For the next 5 days his communication book said -great day, wonderful day, or I can really tell that Sean is trying. It was so nice. He quickly earned just about everything back that I had removed. I made a HUGE deal over his good behavior to show him how nice it could be when he wasn't getting into trouble everyday. HOWEVER once he had everything back it was right back to the same old crap. He was sent to the office twice this week and now yesterday I got a note from the teacher that said "he is refusing to listen to me." Everyday this week was horrible. I am so angry because this shows me that when he really wants something he will comply with the rules but once he has what he wants he will do as he pleases. He even commented that he didn't care that he had a bad day because he still had his Yugioh cards to play with.! Today he gets his first report card-UGH I'm dreading that.

[puzzled]

At least it gives you one more piece to the puzzle that is sean, kk. You can tell his therapist and maybe it will help to come up with a solution that will be longer lasting.

Hugs! Just remember, report cards don't really 'count' at this age....I know, small comfort.

[John]

KK, this may sound kinda 'off the wall' but maybe you can start Every Week like the first 'Back to Basics' one. That is, take every thing out of his room . . . {!}

What's the worst that could happen . . .

You might even make it like a game or scientific experiment and tell him you are trying this experiment or testing a hypothesis and that he can help you . . .

[jj]

KK,
I say, keep doing what you did. There is no discipline in this world that will work for just one week. You have to keep doing it so they see you mean business.

If he doesn't behave an item comes back out of his room. He may say he doesn't care but he will learn that having only a couple things to play with isn't fun if it happens often enough. Or do what John said. He starts from having nothing each week. (Pain in the butt to remove all that stuff but it may be worth it in the end)


I know ADHD kids can try when they want something. But I have always thought it is like when we are holding in our anger about something. You can only hold it in so long and then you have to let it out. I think ADHD kids can only do the "good" for a while and then they just have to be what comes natural for them.

When I was a teen I helped raise my nephew who is not ADHD but has a genius IQ. I so remember those defiant words. I don't care if ....."fill in the blank". Oh he was a smart mouthed kid, argh. And I remember back when spankings were O.K. and he'd get a spanking he'd say, after it was over...."That didn't hurt a bit!" Grrrrrr.

You'll be happy to know that defiant smart aleck kid turned out to be the best nephew a person could ask for.

And when I was a kid I threw tantrums all the time if I didn't get my way. I swear KK, I couldn't help myself.

The same nephew I mention above, well he and I were having a heart to heart talk one day about what we were like when we were kids. We both felt this horrible guilt for being such horrible kids. Let me tell you it just about tore us up inside talking about it.

So I guess what I'm saying is, you have no choice but to keep trying your discipline but keeping in mind that right now, being good day after day may be just as hard for him as it is for us to keep in anger day after day.

Hugs to you for trying so hard to help Sean.

[charliegirl]

Maybe you should try to take away everything he earned back when he acts up. Whatever you gave him back, take it away the same way. I would start with the Yugioh cards.

Take them away and if he behaves the next day he gets them back, if not, he gets something else taken away and so on.

I agree that its hard for them to maintain good behavior. The more he practices it and tries, the more easy it will be for him to keep it up. Its not going to be easy for either of you and its going to take a long time and there will be setbacks.

I'm glad you found something that works though.

[jill]

I think everyone else covered this one. For my girl too things only work for so long and then the need for something else to try.

[katiekat]

Ok so far he has not been doing well-he still has not earned back his Yugioh cards, his TV, or his video games. He had one good day last week but like I said, since he earned back some stuff he is not trying. If he does try the teacher will always mention that at least he was making an effort so I know he's not. Anyway here's my dilemma. There are only 5 days of school left before the Christmas break. If he gets a bad note sent home more than 1 day this week he will not earn back the TV. For Christmas we got him a new game system and I can't not let him play it on Christmas. That would be mean-even for me. I was thinking that he could use the TV on Christmas even if he has not earned it back and for an hour a day over the vacation, but once school starts up he will not be able to use them until he earns them back legitimately. Does this sound fair? Mean? Not mean enough? I am pretty sure that he will not actually earn it back this week.

[charliegirl]

Maybe you can let him wipe the slate clean as a Christmas gift to him and then start over. Let him know that its only because its Christmas and you want him to be able to enjoy his holidays at home.

It sounds like a cop out and it is in a way, but it may make for a more enjoyable time for your whole family. They need to be considered too. It would give him something to do so he isn't looking for trouble constantly.

[jj]

I think what your doing it fine KK. Not too mean but still enforcing the rules.

[puzzled]

I have had to do that too kk. One year, jake was grounded for grades during christmas break and I gave him a break over christmas for the same reasons....