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Post by mary2 on Aug 15, 2007 23:15:03 GMT -5
As the school year is approaching, I am starting to become anxious about what my son will exhibit in regard to social skills and maturity. He is a not a too many friends kid, and as a typical adhder has a lot of difficulty in understanding social cues; therefore, jokes are hardly understood by him, eventhough I try to practice this with him many times; he just doesn't grasp jokes and becomes too upset. He has been to therapy, and this will resume as routine starts again. Anyway, I know the process is slow but can't help in becoming anxious about it. I might be overprotecting him, since I feel so much pain when I think he might be bullied or teased by others. He is definitely behind in maturity in regard to his classmates and that worries me so much.
I guess this is just a vent. I know the process takes long and he will have to learn from his own experiences. That stinks.
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Post by katiekat on Aug 15, 2007 23:44:39 GMT -5
I know exactly what you are feeling mary2. As it gets closer to school starting I am remembering all the stuff from last year. My son has few friends, and the ones he makes grow tired of him quickly as he is not usually so nice to them. By the end of last year the bullying started and I once caught 4 boys kicking and hitting him as he lay on the ground. And this was kindergarten. He also does not "get" jokes and gets angry I think he thinks he is being made fun of. He is very immature as well. It is hard to watch your child be picked on,left out, and just be treated in a cruel manner. My son will be starting a Social Skills class soon and I hope it helps. I hope your son has a good year.  |
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Post by misty on Aug 16, 2007 0:25:15 GMT -5
Mary2, It gets better with age, but even though my daughter is 13 I still worry. In a way, I'm GLAD she's less mature than her friends since it means shes not interested in boys yet or trying to reveal more of her body than I want her too. But I still worry whether she'll be truly ready to deal with Jr high this year. Changing classes & changing for gym/swimming, etc. She does well with jokes & has handled a bully or 2 by herself, but sometimes when I hear her talking with her friends she just seems to not be as socially "with it" as they are.
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Post by mary2 on Aug 16, 2007 5:56:36 GMT -5
Another part of the story is that I find myself being too hard on him some times. My son will start first grade this year and he still enjoys various cartoon characters on his clothes and stuff.
I was talking to this mom who has an older kid in this school and told me not to get him any backpack, lunch box, or underwear with cartoon characters because he would certainly be made fun of. Underwear since they have to change clothes for a swimming class they will attend every week in school. So, I made sure everything I bought in regard to these items was black or without characters. My kid was disappointed and even lost all enthusiasm on his new school supplies. So, it hurts to have to make his life miserable when he is going through so much struggle already with the academic load and friendship. I feel like I am stealing part of his childhood.
I don't really know whether I am acting correctly or not since self esteem is another hard chapter in adhd.
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Post by jj on Aug 16, 2007 10:35:04 GMT -5
My niece (12) is kind of the opposite of your son. She never wanted to wear "kid" clothes from a very early age. She wanted to wear makeup like a teen and dress like a teen at 8-9 years old and would nag and throw fits if she couldn't. And she is always trying to befriend girls much older than her but then doesn't act the "teen part". She is bossy, sarcastic and resorts to childish behavior so the teens really don't want her around them.
My sister homeschools her so I really don't know how she would get along in the school setting. I think my sister will be homeschooling her again this year but only because they got so far behind last year. (She is in a state that really doesn't monitor the progress homeschooled kids make)
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Post by bugsmom on Aug 16, 2007 11:56:12 GMT -5
Oh, Mary...I can so relate to your feelings. I'm sure everyone of us parents here can.
My son is 11 and very immature for his age. I used to drive myself nuts trying to protect and guide him in the right direction in social situations. It wasn't so much a problem in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade, but when he started 4th grade I could really start to see the difference in maturity. My son has severe anxiety in social situations, so he gets very silly and immature. He works with a psycholigist during the school year to give him tools to deal with this.
I do agree with Misty in saying that it does get a little better with age. I have found that the more I let go and let him find the answers on his own, the better he has gotten. I used to try to rescue him and try to smooth over situations with friends, and now I just let him fisgure it out by himself. Believe me, its been hard to just stand back. Mine, unfortunately, only learns from his mistakes.
It's a bummer about the cartoon stuff. I can't imagine 1st graders not having a little something on their school things. I mean if it was Barney or Teletubbies I could understand. But hey, whats wrong with Spiderman or Batman. Geez...these poor kids just can't get a break.
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Post by puzzled on Aug 16, 2007 12:33:01 GMT -5
It was just last year that Chase informed me that he would no longer wear shoes, underwear or a back pack with a cartoon character on it...he was in 5th grade...I agree that 1st is a bit young, harsh kids at your son's school!
It was hard to find shoes w/o the characters until his feet grew a bit, it seemed like all the ones I could afford, had a superhero on the side....LOL
Chase has not struggled quite as much with immaturity, but I do worry about the friend issue. We live in the country though and out of my 4 children, the only one that always had playdates is Chelsea. The other 2 that are older than Chase....they were quite happy to be homebodies all summer until they were older. Jake only just blossomed this summer, hanging out with 3 or 4 boys that live w/in 4 wheeler range of our home. So, I am trying to relax and let Chase figure it out....
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Post by katiekat on Aug 16, 2007 12:37:06 GMT -5
It is totally and completely normal and age-appropriate for a first grader to like and want cartoon characters on his backpack, lunchbox, etc. I can't even believe anyone would make fun of a child this young for this reason. Every child in my son's class had a cartoon character on their backpacks and even their clothes. They are 6 years old for Pete's sake!!! I could understand if they were in middle school or something but first grade?! I would say that most kids still have a cartoon character or superhero type backpack up until 3rd grade or so. I would ask other parents who have a kid in your son's class what type of backpack and lunchbox they will be using this year. I just think that is so sad that these little kids can't enjoy being little.
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Post by mary2 on Aug 16, 2007 13:15:39 GMT -5
It is totally and completely normal and age-appropriate for a first grader to like and want cartoon characters on his backpack, lunchbox, etc. I can't even believe anyone would make fun of a child this young for this reason. Every child in my son's class had a cartoon character on their backpacks and even their clothes. They are 6 years old for Pete's sake!!! I could understand if they were in middle school or something but first grade?! I would say that most kids still have a cartoon character or superhero type backpack up until 3rd grade or so. I would ask other parents who have a kid in your son's class what type of backpack and lunchbox they will be using this year. I just think that is so sad that these little kids can't enjoy being little. My son is seven and always one of the oldest in his class due to his birth date. I am a teacher, so I have seen how premature kids are becoming these days. Peer pressure is just too much to deal with. Childhood has shortened so much; this is very sad when we think about the issues we face as adults. Anyways, I make sure that at home he has his time and space to dream and relax like a child. But still feel this is a very difficult thing to deal with... So, this is sad, but it is real. |
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Post by misty on Aug 16, 2007 13:54:57 GMT -5
My daughter had cartoon characters on her stuff until 5th grade! And even the jr high & highschoolers have Spongebob & The Family guy on folders & such. I really can't believe a 1st grader can't have cartoon character items! Could you maybe buy him a couple folders or some socks or a notebook with his favorite characters? Something cheap enough that if you have to replace it because he gets teased its not a big deal, but that will give him at least a small measure of comfort knowing he has SOMETHING with his fave characters on it??
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