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Post by lillian on Apr 4, 2008 13:30:18 GMT -5
 Sorry, Misty, I didn't mean to stereotype! Maybe, we should start a "You know your child is ADHD if..." thread? This thread is bringing back a lot of memories.
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Post by lillian on Apr 4, 2008 13:50:22 GMT -5
I MUST get off the computer, but here are a few of my fond memories of raising a hyperactive child, ADHD or not:
The Museum of Natural History in NYC. My son was ten years old. We had to stand in line, and they had those ropes on posts to keep everyone in a straight line? Know what I mean? I used to avoid taking my son anywhere that had these, but I really wanted to go to the museum. Sure enough. He starts by casually tapping it with his hand, then he casually pushed it with his foot, then he casually stepped over it, then he started hopping back and forth over it. The security guard walked up to me and said, "Ma'am, can't you make your son stop that?" I responded with, "No, I wish I could." When I saw that the guard wasn't smiling, I said to my son, "Honey, why don't you go wait over there, until we get the tickets?" I pointed at the entrance area, where the big dinosaur is? My son goes running over there, and I saw a look of sheer horror come over the guard's face, as he went running after my son. Hee hee.
My nephew, who's not ADHD but was one hyper little boy. Whew! I was visiting my brother and his wife, and the ice cream man came by. My three-year-old nephew didn't hear the truck, until it had driven away. He had a fit, screaming bloody murder, throwing himself on the floor in the kitchen, rolling back and forth sobbing. All the while, my sister-in-law was cooking, and she just walked over him, kept talking away to me, asked me questions, looked at him occasionally and said, "Sweetie, you're going to make yourself sick screaming like that," and went on cooking, completely unphased. It was hysterical!
Both boys, my son and my nephew, are fourteen, almost fifteen, and you would never guess they were like this as kids. Neither one of them is hyper today. And you should have seen the two of them together at a hotel about five years ago. Oh, and when they were together at the amusement park! OMG!
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Post by katiekat on Apr 4, 2008 14:32:50 GMT -5
All kids with ADHD are different just as ALL kids are different. I am so getting what anon is saying because I feel like we are in similar situations. Some children just cannot be let out of your sight-ever. I know because I have one. Some children are also extremely difficult to take in public places. I know this all too well too. It is just not worth the battle. Sean has run away and hid in stores and approaches strangers and starts talking to them-giving his name and once telling a man where he lived. Throwing tantrums when he does not get his way and touching things and intentionally knocking them over. All things that make a trip to the store very unenjoyable. Even a trip to the park turns bad when he is beating up some strangers kid because he wanted to go first down the slide.
If I let Sean out of my sight God knows what would happen. He is destructive and dangerous to himself. He has done some seriously dangerous things while in the care of his bio. mother b/c she does not watch him closely. And yes, one of those things was starting a small fire. He has also jumped out the window on several occasions. He has taken the keys in the middle of the night and tried to start her car. The only reasons these things dont happen here is because I watch him like he is a 2 year old.I have learned the hard way. Believe me, nothing was harder than figuring out what I was going to tell my h when I couldnt find Sean for 20 minutes. Turns out he was hiding in our next door neighbors bed of his pick up truck. There was a period of time when my husband had to escort him to the bathroom or I would stand outside the door because of the things he would do when alone for only a few minutes. IE flooding all 3 floors of our house because he jammed things down the toilet and flushed it over and over. It may be expected for a toddler to do this but not a 7 year old. It is difficult to never be separated from your child but what choice do you have when babysitter after babysitter quits because of the child's behavior.
I don't know the reason behind his behavior. He had severe behavioral problems long before I met my husband. I suppose it could be RAD or maybe not. Perhaps it is just the way he was born. Im hoping we can an answer when we go to the neuropsych appointment this month.
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Post by lillian on Apr 4, 2008 14:40:45 GMT -5
KK,
I agree with you that Sean's behaviors are extreme, particularly for his age. I also hope you've finally found a good neuropsych to help him. I'd be scared to death sending him to his mom's, with as much difficulty as she has just taking care of herself!
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Post by misty on Apr 4, 2008 19:50:21 GMT -5
Sorry, Misty, I didn't mean to stereotype! Maybe, we should start a "You know your child is ADHD if..." thread? This thread is bringing back a lot of memories. No problem, lillian! You know, KK, your post reminds me of a kid I used to babysit when I was in high school. I remember he used to climb out his window in his underwear & run down the street because he didn't want to go to bed when it was time! You should've seen me chasing him. I quit that night (it was my 2nd time watching him). It wasn't worth the meager amount they were paying me. In hindsight, I bet he had ADHD or something but at the time all I knew was that he was a terror! |
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Post by katiekat on Apr 4, 2008 22:01:35 GMT -5
Misty, I bet you were not the first (or the last) babysitter to quit that gig! |
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Post by jj on Apr 4, 2008 23:10:31 GMT -5
My sister's daughter, when she was younger, was very much like that. She would be gone out the door the minute you turned your back from the day she learned to walk and still takes off without telling my sister. I think my sister probably walked a thousand miles around their little town looking for her daughter.
My niece didn't really do destructive things but rather very annoying things. Like making weird noises for hours and hours and hours. You'd tell her to stop and she just did it more and would giggle if you got really mad and told her to stop.
My sis still does not feel comfortable leaving her alone and she is 13 (I think - sorry, brain dead today) but what worries her now is her boy crazy phase and what her impulsivity(is that a word?) may bring. Yikes.
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Post by charliegirl on Apr 5, 2008 0:46:37 GMT -5
Anon4now, I'm curious. Are you having the same problem many of us have had? Most people you know don't know what ADHD really is and harp at you that you must not be strict enough, need to discipline more, etc? I'm sure you know the type of person I mean. They think that even if the inability to focus is a problem, everything else is just poor parenting. They have not got a clue about what its really like to live with our kids day in and day out.
We want to help you. I'm sure you don't like having to watch everything your son does. You have got to be totally exhausted by now. If we can really get a good idea of what is going on, hopefully we can offer some real help.
Right now, I'm thinking it may be a good idea to sit down and create a list of the most important things you need to address. Anything that is a safety issue would have to be at the top of the list, working down to things like attitude, smart remarks, etc.
Clean the slate. Start with reinstating any privileges you have removed, any punishment such as cleaning the bathroom, not allowing him any outside activities, etc.
Once you have created the list, take only the one or two most serious issues. Set him down. Explain that you are all starting fresh and these are the rules. Ask him what punishment he feels is proper and make sure he understands they do have to fit. He can't go easy on himself or you will have to decide them. Ask him what rewards he would like to earn if he can have acceptable behavior for an agreed upon time period. You may want to double the computer time he is allowed as a reward since that is a major incentive. Something else you might suggest as a reward is an extra hour before bed time.
Make a contract with him agreeing to those terms.
Don't worry or stress or make an issue of anything but the one or two things you have agreed on. If you do, he will be likely to feel overwhelmed or frustrated and give up. You want to change that specific behavior and only that at this point.
Once you feel he is consistent with the behavior you are striving for in those areas, do another agreement the same way for the next couple.
Sometimes things get so overwhelming that a kid will just give up because there is always something they are in trouble for so why bother. Making the changes you desire into bite size pieces and giving him time to make them a habit may be the answer. It has worked for many people. Hopefully, it will work for you.
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Post by lillian on Apr 5, 2008 1:25:56 GMT -5
"Anon4now, I'm curious. Are you having the same problem many of us have had? Most people you know don't know what ADHD really is and harp at you that you must not be strict enough, need to discipline more, etc? I'm sure you know the type of person I mean. They think that even if the inability to focus is a problem, everything else is just poor parenting. They have not got a clue about what its really like to live with our kids day in and day out."
Amen, sister! Unless you've raised a hyperactive child, you have no idea what it's like! It doesn't matter if you are a psychologist, psychiatrist, or whatever. You have no idea. It's so easy to sit back and say what a parent should do, but unless you've lived with the behavior, you don't understand. It's not like parenting a neuro-typical child. You have to learn to accept behaviors you never thought you would have to accept, and laugh about behaviors you never thought you would laugh at, or you will go mad.
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Post by rakuflames on Apr 5, 2008 6:22:05 GMT -5
"Anon4now, I'm curious. Are you having the same problem many of us have had? Most people you know don't know what ADHD really is and harp at you that you must not be strict enough, need to discipline more, etc? I'm sure you know the type of person I mean. They think that even if the inability to focus is a problem, everything else is just poor parenting. They have not got a clue about what its really like to live with our kids day in and day out." Amen, sister! Unless you've raised a hyperactive child, you have no idea what it's like! It doesn't matter if you are a psychologist, psychiatrist, or whatever. You have no idea. It's so easy to sit back and say what a parent should do, but unless you've lived with the behavior, you don't understand. It's not like parenting a neuro-typical child. You have to learn to accept behaviors you never thought you would have to accept, and laugh about behaviors you never thought you would laugh at, or you will go mad. I found that one of the easiest ways for me to accept things I thought I should not accept and still be a "good mother" was this: if the child had been two or three years younger, would I have been concerned? When my nine year old couldn't manage to make her bed without being reminded, encouraged to finish, etc., I asked myself what I would have expected of a six year old. I would have expected to give a six year old more help. Often these kids are two - three years behind wherever they are weaker behaviorally. You have to work with them where they are and not where we wish they were. You can yell and scream all you want at a six year old for leaving the milk out, but it wouldn't surprise us at all if he were three. When it comes to things like leaving the milk out, it might be better to think of him as three and shape that behavior as you would with a much younger child. |
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I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
